10 Of The Most Bizarre Bible Verses Ever
The Bible is crazy weird sometimes. No doubt about it. These verses… they make me wanna curl up in a ball and cry they’re so bizarre.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#1 – Psalm 137:9
“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.”
Whoa! Seriously, happy about throwing your kids around? Maybe a little too harsh a punishment for not eating your vegetables.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
#2 – 2 Kings 18:27
“But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?”
This guy was hardcore like Bear Grylls, suggesting that dining on poop and pee would be an enjoyable pastime.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#3 – Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”
A very hardcore look at parenting. Obviously they didn’t believe in “time outs” in Bible times.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#4 – Mark 14:51-52
“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.”
History’s first recorded streaker perhaps?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#5 – Ezekiel 16:17
“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.”
Obviously this was one of the less attractive relationships available, but, “better than being alone” some might argue.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#6 – Judges 3:19-24
“But he himself turned back at the idols near Gilgal and said, ‘I have a secret message for you, O king.’ And he commanded, ‘Silence.’ And all his attendants went out from his presence. And Ehud came to him as he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, ‘I have a message from God for you.’ And he arose from his seat. And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. Then Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them. When he had gone, the servants came, and when they saw that the doors of the roof chamber were locked, they thought, ‘Surely he is relieving himself in the closet of the cool chamber.’“
Seriously, what? So, there’s a fat guy, and he gets stabbed, and he’s got poo coming out of his back, and the guards just assume that… you know what, nevermind.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#7 – Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
Scary for anyone that has ever A.) been kicked in the balls, B.) racked themselves, or C.) forgot their cup during the big game.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#8 – 1 Samuel 18:25-27
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
So, apparently long before Saturday Night Live, King David had done the “Dick in a box” trick.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#9 -Numbers 11:18
“And tell the people to purify themselves, for tomorrow they will have meat to eat. Tell them, ‘The LORD has heard your whining and complaints: ‘If only we had meat to eat! Surely we were better off in Egypt!’ Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the LORD, who is here among you, and you have complained to him, ‘Why did we ever leave Egypt?’“
Sure, at first you think. No biggie. I love steak. We love steak too. What about a baked potato? That sound nice too? TOO BAD, JUST MEAT FOR YOU!
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
#10 – Ezekial 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
Oh my.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Have any bizarre Bible verses you’d like to share? We know the Bible is full of them. Post your ideas in the Comments Section and we’ll add them to the list!
135 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I lay with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.
So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father.
Genesis 19:30-36
This is just stupid. Half of those are taken completly out of context, and the other half are old testament. For the record, many christians believe the old testament laws to be for a more sinful time, before christ came to show us the way. Not that they are useless, but you wont see a christian cutting his wifes tounge out for speaking out of turn.
World’s largest beautiful flower It is one of the most bizarre and improbable organisms on the planet. It produces no leaves, stems or roots but …
Samaria will be desolated, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword, their infants will be dashed to pieces, and their pregnant women ripped open. Hosea 13:16
Wow, it’s amazing how when you take things out of context and put them up on a webpage with funny pictures they seem weird. How odd.
Very funny verses. But don’t you think it’s just a little douche-baggy of you to take some of them out of context?
2 Kings 2:23-24
23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
“Wahhh wahhh! It’s out of context!”
How do you put killing babies in context? What can babies do that warrants killing them? kind of person kills a baby and becomes happy?
What about a more sinful time would make it cool to not allow the man who lived a good life into Heaven because he had his penis cut off? If I cut off a good Christian’s penis on his death bed and he doesn’t get into Heaven, does that sound just?
Did the article say that these articles made the Bible stupid or made Christianity obviously wrong, or did it say that these verses were bizarre? Take that stick out of your bum and face it, these verses are bizarre.
I don’t see how these are taken out of context. Christians have a tendency to only acknowledge the verses that are easy to defend. But ignore the others because it is uncomfortable to think about.
Dave
I’m so glad you did this Mav. What’s funny is the people who are actually pissy. This always happens when anyone brings up religion and they don’t find humor in how some of the things written. They say context and out of context, but seriously its like reading a newspaper, how many times have stories been published wrong? Plenty of times. So we’re to say that everything in this book is FACT and take it so literally. Some people need to read between the lines. For example, some of the people who wrote it were thieves, tax collectors, some prophets (we’ve seen how correct those guys are “world ending in 2000, uh 2001, uh 2002″, etc lol).
People need to understand, that it’s not about a book, that’s not the point, the point is that you go out and do good things for people, have faith in god, and when they do something horrible, realize they have done wrong and ask for forgiveness.
I’m just glad I have common sense, an open mind for religion, and an eye for crap that obviously can be a form of yellow journalism or word of mouth that was spread over years changing stories around.
So the old testament doesn’t matter because you don’t throw your baby against a rock and you can’t cut out your wife’s tongue for speaking out of turn. But, it matters when two men want to get married? Strange how that works.
Do you think you could explain how they were taken out of context? ^_^
@ “How Dumb”
No but what you will see is christians discriminating homosexuals because it says so in the bible. It’s so funny how christians pick parts of the bible and follows it like their life depended on it, but when it’s inconvinient for them they just ignore it.
If you discriminate other human beings because the bible says so you should also stone your disobiedient children or cut out your wife’s tounge. Stop being so goddamned hypocritical and inconsistent!
Bit of a generalization, Dave. If we’re going to generalize then might I argue that non-Christians have a tendency to declare lack of understanding by Christians as “ignoring” out of discomfort. A large part of Christianity is faith. There are always those philisophical arguments…how can God be just when there is so much suffering in the world…that are beyond the understanding. Maybe it’s entirely possible Christians are not “ignoring” difficult scripture but rather don’t have the answers.
You really don’t need to worry too much about context with some of these. I have read them before and some are just mental. Nor do you need to get all ‘is this anti-Christian’. They’re weird – get over it. Who needs all those foreskins anyway? The Lot one is pretty crazy too.
What is so wrong with saying the verses were taken out of context? It’s like taking one sentence out of the middle of a newspaper article and suggesting you know the point and background of the entire article from that one sentence. You can’t take one verse out of the Old Testament and imply you know what the entire book is about. What’s wrong with saying that? I am a Christian and I will agree, these verses are bizarre. Old Testament times were bizarre. But I have yet to understand why someone saying these verses can’t be read with understanding because they were taken out of context sends people into a tail spin. Relax.
I would say this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while and that you did good work, finding these gems…but I’m afraid that saying that might be taken “out of context”
“You shall not molest or oppress an alien, for you were once aliens yourselves in the land of Egypt.”
~Exodus 22:22
Great post- do you have a contact email? I can’t seem to find one anywhere on the site. I’d like to send you a message. Thank you.
It’s embarrassing that those of you who claim to have strong faith consistenly demonstrate how weak your faith really is by getting upset at things like this post. If you truly believed what you claim, you would just disregard things like this as meaningless and not give them a second thought.
The interesting thing about faith is that it can’t be proved – the interesting thing about religious nutcases is how often they try to do just that. Rather touching really……..
Wow.
People, chill out.
God loves jokes too.
Just find humor in it.
> The interesting thing about faith is that it can’t be proved – the interesting thing about religious nutcases is how often they try to do just that. Rather touching really……..
Love that, Ratso. It’s so true. And funny.
That last one, from Ezikiel…I wonder how they knew that last part…
haha so those are bizzare, but I bet if ya actually looked at it ya could figure out what most of them mean.
For number one go here http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=PS%20137, it’s a song of revenge….ok, revenge is still wrong, but it is a song written by a man, not a command from God or a proverb or anything.
And number 5, it really means worshiping other idols besides God, not sleeping with a statue lol it’s like cheating on God with another god…
Those are all I’m gonna talk about for now, I have an essay to write….
The fact is most of the old test, scripture was taken literal but had symbolic meaning which many will not understand without the spirit of god directing them.
Those scripture spoken of can be understood easily if you study jewish customs.
AS for kids killed in the bible, we all deserve to die because we are all wicked sinners. But when the new test, time came. mercy and grace came with it. Today, part of the old test. law isnt in effect, but some are.
The moral law will always stand
One way to know what stands today from the old test. is what it says in the new test. Such as homosexuality. It is an abomination every where you look. Its gods law, not mine. I didnt create humans , he did. He has the right and is much more wiser than me.
So, I think i will listen to him, rather than a squirt on the internet who love their fleshy desires more than the one who created his flesh.
The question is “am I sinning or not?”
Read the word it will tell you.
God bless
“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.”
This passage doesnt meant they directly had sex with a statue.. be real.
They were used in worship while participating in prostitution indirectly.. Do your homework
@tim
if there is one thing that is mandatory to being a true christian it’s tolerance and by ur writing it seems that u lack it
how are u a christian then? knowing the bible and preaching to others doesn’t make u one … tolerance and not judging others does – too bad u don’t see it that way…
Bible is not for idiots to read – here’s some tips for you – CONTEXT!
Oh, come on!!! There are two types of texts in the Bible.First, the one that expresses Gods attitude towards certain issues and second, ones that simply say what will happen as a CONSEQUENCE of “bad behaviour”…Bible spoke to people in that sort of language people were able to understand, stressing horrid nature of sin and hopeless state of people who turned from God as their protector.
religion is for imbeciles
Tim, how is someone going to argue with someone as blind as you? Religion produces blind faith and unquestioning obedience to authority. That’s why governments all throughout history have used it for their own ends. How do you think the word of Jesus actually spread? To me it’s pretty obvious that the only reason close-minded people like you have ever even heard of Jesus is because the Roman Empire decided to make Christianity its “official” religion. Oh and look at all the “holy” things that took place after that, and that are STILL taking place. A little research’ll show you that almost all “Christian” holidays are really pagan and other religious h-days, picked by a bureaucracy to help create cohesion throughout the empire. C’mon man, you ever been to a war protest? You ever thought for one instant that our country is run by evil rich fucks, who have killed millions, who got elected by sheep like you because they quoted some bible verses? You think Jesus would’ve been standing by while hundred’s of thousands of innocent people were killed in a war for corporate profit? If Jesus was walkin around today with no job, long hair, and just preaching love…..you’d call him a fuckin’ hippy and then ask for forgiveness to nothing for saying “fuckin” (which is really just a sound coming from an animal). Open your eyes dude.
The truth is Jesus never countermanded the OT as a whole. Jesus is quoted as saying he wanted to make sure his message was in addition to the evil of the old testament. Christians never know their shit, because if they had a mind for consistent logical thinking they would stop being Christians.
Pretty sad to think most Americans follow such asinine words as if it were all that matters.
…and moses tied his ass to a tree, thense walked a mile up the mountain…(thereby proving the human butt is quite elastic…)
This is what we christians get for calling the bible the “word of God”.The bible rather contains the words of God and points to the WORD of God,Yeshua the Messiah(Jesus the Christ)
If we persist in saying the bible(group of writings or books) is THE WORD of God we will confuse others and decieve ourselves.Did God tell Eve to partake of the fruit?….No the devils words were recorded there…not the Word of God
Did God tell Judas to go kill himself …..No…the bible only records it.
Was it God or the psalmist ask why do wicked men prosper?…It was David the psalmist a man who uttered those words….Not God…God gave him the answer ..not to be envious because the wicked shall meet their end and be judged.
My point….??
If people understood that the bible which is a collection of God inspired instructions and historical, religious and spiritual events people will understand that some messed up stuff are in the bible that God does not expect us to do.Nor does he condone many of them….like cutting off your enemies foreskins to get a wife.
Also not all things in the bible are to be taken literally.Some are metophors and hense symbolic like the books of prophicies…like those 2 from the book of Ezekiel.Other this are literal like..”Thou(You) shall not steal”
There are many things in the bible we may never understand here on earth…but my understanding of the parts I know is clear…We all have sinned…some more than others …but still sinned which deserves death BUT Jesus Christ took our place in dying and only ask for us to accept it and trust Him for the pardon to be effective.He asks that we trust Him and carefully follow Him as to not to keep practicing sin.The bible isnt the way it only points to the way…Jesus
jim you were being sarcastic wit ur comment right?
Heh…yeah, there is some weird stuff in the Bible. Atleast some of that by itself is indeed odd. Once you study the times and cultural surroundings, they aren’t all that odd
And my dear, mistaken, fellow theological scholars, you really all need to calm down. He isn’t taking anything out of context, in the sense that he is not forming any opinion in oppostion to the scripture based off of the ones given. he is simply saying that these are some odd verses, which, with a lack of exegetical knowlege, they do seem odd. So cool your jets, seriously. Yes, he is entitled to his opinion that the Bible is weird, He’s not attacking christianity or burning a cross. calm the frick down, lol
Oh btw Andy, Jesus’ purpose regarding the OT law was not to abolish the law or countermand it, but to fulfill it as a means of briding the gap between man and God
(to be put simply)
Wake up and smell the coffee you religious lunatics! There is no god, there never has been, and even if there was one who was anything like you christians, muslims and jews believe in he would be a complete shit and worthy only of our utter contempt. Religion has always bred hatred not love, even between followers of the same religion (protestants and christians. Religion does not solve the problems of the world, it exacerbates them. Of course anyone is free to believe in what they want, whether it be fairies, leprechauns, goblins, ghouls or gods, but this doesn’t mean that anyone else has to take them seriously. Only when the majority of people stop hiding behind religion and face up to the problems of the real world will we have a chance of making things better. Forget the religious superstitious nonsense that divides us and concentrate on what unites us – our humanity.
I assume you meant “bridging”
My fiancee and I were getting a good laugh out of Ezekiel tonight. I googled some of the phrases and found your page. Funny how they try to say the prostitute women who pay for sex (shouldn’t that make the men the prostitute, then?) is an “allegory” for “unfaithful Jerusalem.” Um, so Jerusalem likes to make gold dildoes to fuck its vagina? Oookay then. A little specific for an “allegory”..
LOL Dee, I see you tried to defend Ezekiel…sounds like that allegory propaganda is getting to your head! Interesting how Bibles insert their professional modern opinion that it’s a metaphor… haha yeah right. It’s all about dehumanizing women and sexual activity, and making it sound dirty and wrong. It has nothing to do will allegory.
The argument that this site is anti-christian is preposterous. I am pretty sure all, if not most, of these quotes are from what christians call the old testament, which as a Jew I call the bible. Therefore, this site is either making light of quotations that are bizarre in light of our times or are anti-judeo-christian, anti-semetic, or (though I cannot say this last one with certainty due to my limited knowledge of Islam) anti-muslim because the islamic holy text(s) contain both the old and new testaments.
It is in my opinion that people are entirely too sensitive about bible quotes and do find it interesting as previous argued on this site that people are so willing to omit the parts of the bible that are not consistent with what they are dogmatically and traditionally led to believe as opposed to what is laid out in law. I always found it amazing that Christians do not follow the strict law of Kashrut the outline what is dietarily prohibited by God in the bible. I find it interesting how the Son of God could illuminate upon creation any further than the infallible being that is the Creator, Lord of the Universe–aka The Holy Ghost.
However I will not belittle these beliefs and choices made by others. I myself am not a religious person, I prefer to be decent in lieu of self-righteous (as I find many “pious” people to be, not all by far, but many). I do not preach but Christianity is so self absorbed at times that it forgets its deep root in Judaism. These two religions are basically the same–Siblings at best cousins at worst–with the simple fundamental difference being the regard of the exacting details of the messianic prophesy and traditions. Islam too falls under this umbrella.
The proposition that the laws in the old testament are barbaric as stated in earlier posts is insulting and disingenuous as there are many who live by them today, even in secularity. Case in point the ten commandments which are the cornerstone of the laws of the very society in which we live.
Bringing back the original point, in the times in which we live all of these quotations are a little bizarre and if, say today, they were to originate from a country that was either communist or muslim I guarantee the world would be in uproar but because they are hidden deep within the prevalent religions in western culture they are simply dismissed as anachronistic.
In any event the story about Ehud was expected. It was always one of my favorites from the bible because it was so gangster and because it was hilarious to me as a child. People need to lighten up about scripture and focus more on message. The message is “be good to each other, be fair, and leave Judgement to God”.
You don’t understand Psalms 137 at all, do you? It is a lament by someone who is in utter despair. His whole race of people have been conquered, he is being marched off into captivity. Many of his family not valued as slaves were simply killed. His homeland was wrecked and ruined. His nation that was a thousand years old looked like it would cease to exist. Yet his captors demanded that he dance and sing joyful songs to entertain them. That’s what the chapter is about. That’s why he would rather have his children killed than to experience that. It is one of the most powerful accounts ever written and is often studied in Bible School. Do you like laugh when you watch Schindler’s List and applaud when Bambi’s mother dies?
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
I guess this WHOLE BLOG is the Christians Shoving Christianity down the atheist throats huh? Looks to me like the usual non-believers making fun and persecuting Christians just like the Bible said they would. THATs one of the reasons its real to me. The Koran says almost the same as the Bible and only ONE guy wrote that. But are all the “HYPER-INTELLEGENT” atheist persecuting them. NO! GET A LIFE
Ha Ha Ha Ha Funny Pic..! I love That Footballers ..!
Faces Stabbed with Swords and Knives This is So Cool
If a man rapes a virgin, and gets caught, he must pay her father 30 pieces of silver, and then marry her.
-Deuteronomy 22:28-29
What are you saying, Required? Do you DOUBT the word of God?
I love how these morons keep compaining about taking verses out of context….as if most of their “christian” ministers don’t do that every sunday…I guess only when it suits your cause right “christians??”
The Bible is a collection of Jewish folklore. That is all it is. If people wish to worship a non-existent entity and that’s the “crutch” that gets them through life, that is fine until or unless it belittles another living thing on this planet.–Then it’s an intrusion. Christianity is a club which is constantly being intrusive. If you don’t belong to the club and just accept what’s being fed to you…you are considered lost and possibly dangerous. If you need a “higher power” to have morality, then we all have an accident waiting to happen. I, for one, don’t want that thin line to be erased.–Please go on believing a god will punish you (now or later) if you step out of line with humanities assumed rules & regulations. Those of you making excuses for ‘Old’ vs. ‘New Dispensation’ vs. ‘contextual accuracy’…have you read the scrolls in their original Hebrew? King James (a gay man) had what was available minus what he didn’t like (which the Catholic version retains) translated. This means the generic bible we have in our hands is an interpretation. (By most objective persons’ estimation: a “mutt”). Also remember that according to this book, god is the same “yesterday, today and forever”. So he suddenly forgave himself for the very sins he forbade people to commit with the onset of Jesus? Sounds like this god at least needed a continuity director for this publication. The bible is as viable a book as are Grimm’s Fairy Tales.
Just read this raucous, hilarious site, long after the fact. Haven’t read every single post, but have found the discussion occasionally intriguing. Just wanted to add: People often take the beautiful verses out of context too. Signed, Friend of Both Many Atheists and Many Christians Who Doesn’t Embrace Either But Loves Good Humor
Well, at least you didn’t show any comic images of Mohammed!
Or make reference to Jesus’ General website.
Or the basic idiocy of any religion.
I love it. “It’s out of context!” “It’s symbolic”
But I guess only the Bible is allowed to have symbolism. I see Christians constantly quoting some bizarre passage out of the Koran and using that as evidence to point to Muslims “are out to get us”.
SHAME!
It’s so easy to take selected verses out of context and make them seem ridiculous. You should be quite proud of yourself, you atheist SOB. I’m sure there’s a good explanation for each of these so called “bizarre” verses. I’ll just pick one at random. Ok, #9 it is. Clearly this is an example of God recommending the Atkins low-carb diet. Now I know from experience that if you ate nothing but meat for an entire month, the pounds would just fall off. Bizarre? I think not! I’m not sure about the gagging though. Maybe bulemia is not so bad after all. Peace.
Awww the Christian Community was put on notice by their own text? Irony is often Ironic!
I hear them screaming “Context!” and trying to justify a position of their great invisible primate who will some how be humiliated by these quotes that were not supposed to be taken literally. Yet this god demands that you take these words literally? Idiots!
If there is a god, he’s a fuckin asshole and needs a psyche evaluation and also needs to be brought up on Stalking charges as now it is against the law to stalk people or intimidate them in any manner that is threatening.
If god sees you do something bad he supposedly catelogs it and plays it all back for you at your ‘judgement’ and threatens you with burning in a place called hell.
I found it really funny when someone mentioned that Eve wasn’t talking to God and that those were the words of the Devil? Satan and or the Devil was not mentioned until the NEW Testament. The entire bible contradicts itself without end, it conforms to the times and what is acceptable during the periods over the years. The old testiment was a bad time in the bible it was the most ignorant time in human history with a bunch of self righteous crybabies who were most likely a bunch of whiney limp dicks who couldn’t get it up anymore or couldn’t handle their sauce.
You Christians are a bag of dicks and I can’t wait until the rest of the world catches on and realizes your a sham and a bunch of biggots.
Malachi 2:1-4 speaks of God spreading dung from their festal celebrations on the face of the priests that do not give honor to His name.
Religion is just something someone made up because they were scared to die, and wanted something to beleave in.. When you die.. your dead, no going to a place up in the sky. You just fertilize the Earth.
HAHAHA It’s out of context! WOW how convenient! Like Church isn’t out of context when the preacher quotes A bible verse to prove his point. I totally blog about Christians and religion in general. Visit if you like.
http://www.godplacebo.blogspot.com
Someone asked in an earlier posting who would need 200 foreskins. In fact, human foreskins were highly prized in the ancient world. They were usually sewn together to create small purses which were often carried by the king, princes and nobles. In some countries, the foreskin purse became the symbol of royalty and can still be seen on carvings and images which have survived to the present day.
To us, it might seem odd that such a small purse should be so important, however being made of foreskins gives it one unique property – if you need to carry something bigger than would normally fit in the purse, then all you have to do is gently stroke it and after 2 minutes the purse expands into a large suitcase!
The Bible is compiled of 66 books written by over 40 authors during a more than 2,000 year period. No book has had more power to change lives and save people from themselves. Each verse is to be looked at in the context of the whole which is why some people are saying these are taken out of context. As for preachers using a verse to prove a point they should be using the same method of contextualizing the scripture with several other scriptures. No single scripture creates doctrine (sound teaching). It would help Christians to be able to laugh at these Scriptures and wonder what the heck the authors and their cultures were thinking. As for the person referring to homosexuality in the Old Testament may want to look up the word homosexuality in the New Testament and see how many times it is mentioned. Homosexuality is a sin just as much as lying, cheating, stealing and unrepentent rage. If anyone could say they are free of any of these they would probably be lying and thus sinning. Only Jesus’ perfect sacrifice can wipe us free of our sins. God so loved us that we could be cleansed of our sin and be in perfect right standing with Him. In comparison the rest hardly matters.
How can you criticize people for taking these scriptures “out of context?” THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE, and religious zealots around the world still hold them to be fundamentally TRUE. Sorry but the bible was written for society THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. MUCH of it does not not apply to today’s society.
The verse, can’t remember the number, about it being OK to take disobedient or rebellious kids to the town square and stone them to death—etc etc, people use verses like tghis to make fun of the bible. It simply tells us how people of that town lived—it doesn’t say that god approves of that. he doesn’t. i questioned a lady once, a minister’s wife, re’ that verse, saying that it’s ok to stone to death disobedient or rebellious kids—-she said that THAT TOWN WAS UNDER JUDGMENT, it was put into the bible to show people that it’s not right to do that. But many people will use verses like this to put the bible down.
1 Corinthians 2:14
14But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerne”
It is interesting to see people who do not understand any of the Bible trying to make fun of what they do not understand.
If you wish choose any passage and send it to my email for an explaination.
i admitt more often then not context is everything. having said that under which context is it ok to kill a child through stoning. god decrees several timeas that his laws and decrees are now and forever. so ya its pointless to give the fullfillment of the law bullshit as it doesnt pertain to the arkane treatments of the old testiment. it pertains to all the followers of god not being saved from their sins upto that point and now being able to goto heaven as was promised in the old. fullfillment of the law has zero to do with got changing his mind about mass murder of his most precious cretures
Those of you who say these are taken out of context….put them into context for me…. PLEASE. I’d love to see it.
Yeah, put this baby in context
Isaiah 45:7
“I form light and create darkness, I make evil and create woe, I am the lord who does all these things”
God’s kind of a prick, hey?
Christians crack me up because they say the old testament are the old laws but use it to justify hate for gays. Not to mention the ten commandments came from the old testament as does Noah, Moses, Adam, and Eve. The picking and choosing of what you do or do not believe in the bible is one of the reasons a lot of people are leaving the church. There is total hypocrisy about the whole thing.
It’s ridiculous that Christians can’t laugh at this, and they must get defensive. May I state..
If god is good, and great why was he just sitting there while Hitler was killing thousands of women, men, and children? All these wars, children being raped? To me, he seems like a bit of a jerk.
So, my point is that you follow a piece of literature written by many different people, and it’s great that your devoted to something and I’m not saying your wrong to believe in something like that, it is up to you, but I believe in kindness, equal respect, and love, but being against gays is not respectful nor kind.
Telling other to have faith and keep an open mind, but the religion of Christianity states we are going to hell and say were wrong when we believe in the existence of life somewhere else for example, or don’t believe in god due to all the terrible things that happen.
Ezekiel 4 v 9 – 15 (huh?)
9 “Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. 10 Weigh out twenty shekels of food to eat each day and eat it at set times. 11 Also measure out a sixth of a hin of water and drink it at set times. 12 Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” 13 The LORD said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.”
14 Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign LORD! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No unclean meat has ever entered my mouth….”
15 “Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement.
you might wanna say that god was saying to ezekiel that methane can cook food or you might say that god was just taking the piss, but one certainty of this quote is that god was indecisive, he changed his mind cause ezekiel said that he doesn’t wanna cook his food over shit. HE CHANGED HIS MIND.
read the whole of ezekiel and it’s like a bunch of spacemen arrives and caused trouble, it really strange whatever context you read it in.
Christian: “We don’t believe in that old testament stuff, it’s crazy and from another time”
Atheist: “But you’ve got to admit some of those other things from the new testament are pretty weird. I mean the whole concept of virgin birth is an impossibility and revelation is just bonkers; a six-headed dragon? Wtf?”
Christian: “I don’t know what you mean, that’s all true!”
Atheist: “Okay, but Jesus was all pro-slavery and pro-poverty. If he knew that some day in the future those things would be considered not so great, why didn’t he try to change minds then?”
Christian: “Those were different times, slavery was accepted back then”
Atheist: “Right, but it didn’t have to be accepted, he could have preached against it.”
Christian: “No he couldn’t, he had to get people to follow him”
Atheist: “That doesn’t make any sense, if you believe he was the Son of God he could do anything, why not that?”
Christian: “I don’t need to question Jesus, I believe in him, he must have had a good reason”
Atheist: “But if you don’t understand God’s reasons for anything, how can you understand his existence?”
Christian: “I don’t need to understand, I have faith”
Atheist: “That’s where we disagree, I don’t see the point in blind faith when you admit that you can’t even comprehend the mind of the thing you have faith in, for all you know God could be evil and the devil could be the good guy, since you really don’t understand any supernatural mind you really can’t judge based on actions”
The text from the New testament is dependent upon some of the text in the old testament. If the OT is thrown out, the NT has no legs to stand on. Either a source is credible or it is not. I don’t really care if you believe or not, just be consistant. The verses on this webpage happen to provide me with the reasons I do not. I don’t need an ancient book to tell me to be a good person. “The kingdom of god is within us all.”
Every single bible that y’all read is out of contex. Nothing in bibles we have today are what was in them thousands of years ago. With every translation a bible takes, it’s further from what was actually wrote. Especially being I’m pretty sure the actual bible wasn’t written in English, so someone had to read it in another language and interpret it how he read it, then the next version interpreted how he read it, and so forth. So don’t criticize about them taking it out of complex
@Comment by How dumb — November 13, 2008
@The interesting thing about faith is that it can’t be proved – the interesting thing about religious nutcases is how often they try to do just that. Rather touching really……..
Just pointing out that if are believing in the bible than by god’s own words you must believe in the old testament as well. Countless passages clearly state “God is eternal.. what he said than is true now” even jesus says that. You can’t just pick and choose what you want.
And for the people who will go crazy over that- the 10 commandments (which was majority of christians believe in) was old testament. SOOO if the old testament is no longer relevant than isn’t the 10 commandments no longer relevant??
And to the other statement, faith can’t be proved? sure, but like OPINIONS, if it isn’t based on ANYTHING than it can be ARGUED. THIS is what people try to do? People like you get annoyed if I say I believe in flying unicorns but what right do you have if I have as much proof as you do ?
GEEZ!
Nothing to get upset about, religious people. You should have a sense of humour – I mean, cmon… You worship something strictly out of faith that is based on the writings of various egocentric, bigoted, perhaps drunk, angry men. Just think, in another 2000 years people will be snickering at images with New Testament captions..hopefully sooner.
@ Tim: “we all deserve to die because we are all wicked sinners.” Says who? Oh, the bible. Which also happens to have the solution. It’s like accepting a band-aid from the person who just stabbed you.
We are not wicked sinners.
The people who keep saying these scriptures are being taken out of context are fucking stupid. They are just posted here, you don’t know how anyone is taking them. How can you even defend any of this Jesus bullshit anyway. I happen to know Jesus, he just cut my lawn 2 days ago. Fuck all you GOD loving, bible thumping jit bags.
Oh, how hilarious that a bunch of ‘true believers’ are whining about things being taken out of context. Are they just mad because they thought they held the franchise on that?
SO ALL THESE VERSES SHOWED TO US THAT THIS BIBLE IS NOT THE WORD OF GOD.
SO WHY DO CHRISTIANS STILL FOLLOW THIS CRA+Y BOOK AND LET THEIR CHILDREN READ IT. AND ATTEND SUNDAY SCHOOL?
WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THESE STORIES FROM THE BIBLE? IF IT HAS NO MORAL THEN IT IS IMMORAL!
BETTER FIND OTHER RELIGION, ISLAM PERHAPS, READ THE QURAN AND SEE THE CONTRAST.
THE BIBLE IS MAKING JOKES OF CHRISTIANITY BY TELLING FUNNY FUNNY STORIES AND RIDICULOUS ACCOUNTS TO THE JEWS AND GENTILES (FOR THE NON JEWS THEY ARE REFERED TO BY JESUS AS DOGS AND PIGS, THE GENTILES) AND MAKING A BIG MOCKERY OF CHRISTIANITY.
NO WANDER MANY ARE RUNNING AWAY FROM CHRISTIANITY AND SEEK REFUGE TO OTHER RELIGION.
TO THOSE BIBLE TAMPERS, EVANGELIST AND TELE EVENGALIST, POPE, PRIEST, BISHOP, ARCHBISHOP, DOMINI, PRADICANT, APECOSPEL, ETC…
PLEASE TELL US WHAT IS THE CONTEXT OF THOSE VERSES IN QUESTIONS HERE IN THESE WEBSITE?
WHY ARE THEY AS SILENT AS A CHURCH MICE?
TALK MAN TALK! DEFEND YOUR BOOK, YOUR FAITH!
And Harry Potter said unto them, go ye onto the message board and argue that which is most rediculous, and they did go, and they did argue, and Harry Potter saw that it was good.
(please don’t take this out of context)
Doodooronimy 22: 13-21
21Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
Honor killings are bad, m-kay?!
Leaveislamsafely.com
LOL I’d really like to know how the donkey-schlong verse makes more sense when put “in context”
Lol bless the original poster, for HE is GOD.
What is everyone so mad about? When did anything on this page upset the homosexuals? By the way homosexuals are living against nature, I mean as feminine as you like to be, for whatever reason, you will never be a woman. I mean, I guess you don’t want to own up to your manly responsibility or you want to be immature and pretend you are someone else, for whatever reason you don’t like yourself, it is so unacceptable. If the world was made of homosexuals it wouldn’t last very long seeing how it takes a man and woman to reproduce. What your doing is no better than having sex with a farm animal so do any of you homosexuals think it is ok to have sex with an animal? Really? That is against the law as should homosexuality. You need medicine and help to get back on track and be the person you were born to be. Man Up! Stop bashing God he made you perfect, you yourself or someone else messed you up!
How do you know that bein’ a HOMO ain’t the norm, and it’s us heterosexuals who are the real perverts? Just because the majority aren’t gay doesn’t mean it isn’t right. I mean… really! Maybe it’s just like politics the loudest people with the most money determine what’s right for the rest of us
Lol @ a Townclown, that is exactly how I feel too. I also think that it is more plausable that jesus was realy an alien, I mean he came back to life and did all these trippy things. Their could have been aliens in egypt too but thats just my theory, would explain all their gods with animal heads. by the way Im watching the life of brian at the moment
hahaha
It is quite clear: It is the word of God. Follow it exactly or burn forever. You cannot pick and choose.
Gee, seems like there are a lot of butthurt christians here.
As for context:
Ps. 137:9
The writer is not mentioned. The date is after the fall of Jerusalem, so the nation of Judah is currently captive under Babylon. Both the Assyrians and Babylonians were very wicked people. They were feared because of what they did to their enemies (for an example, read the PDF titled Nineveh: The Wicked City).
Even though the law of the day was “eye for an eye”, the verse does not specifically condone dashing the little ones against the stones. Furthermore, it doesn’t mention who will be happy–it could be anyone with the power to do so. Who probably did so? The Medes and Persians.
Commenters, could you please use a more competent hermeneutic next time?
“How do you know that bein’ a HOMO ain’t the norm, and it’s us heterosexuals who are the real perverts?”
Because humans would go extinct if it was the norm?
Like I said if HOMO’s were the norm then how would we keep having people to live on the earth? Silly thought I know. So Jesus is an alien, ok, obviously he was something special ~ if it makes you happy to think of him as an alien that’s great. I could even find that feasible. Muhhammad and Ali too. Cool. I personally believe that God is a unit of energy.
Just a thought but if Homo is the norm then why don’t we see it in life forms without a choice such as flowers.
I am only raising the debate, I try to love everyone but I find it a priority to lead people to a reasonable truth.
This is what unbelievers do with those biblical verses that seem bizarre to them, they take them way out of context to complete that effect. A simple reading of the chapters that contain these verses and passages will dispel the notion that what’s listed here are truly bizarre (though some of the reading will require people to put their thinking caps on to get at the meaning of them). But, these verses and passages are clearly being taken out of context!
YOUR QUOTING THE BIBLE OUT OF CONTEXT WILL SURELY ONLY SWAY NON LOGICAL NON CHRISTIANS. THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE ATTACKED THE BIBLE THAT MUCH IS A CLEAR INDICATION THAT YOU ARE SCARED AND INTIMIDATED BY THE TRUTH CONTAINED THEREIN AND WOULD LIKE TO DISCREDIT IT TO THOSE INTENDING TO READ IT. IT WONT WORK. THAT IS THE ONLY BOOK THAT WILL OFFER YOU VERSES THAT WILL GIVE YOU PEACE OF MIND THAT SURPASSES HUMAN UNDERSTANDING. TRY IT MY FRIEND. YOU WILL ENJOY THAT PEACE OF MIND THAT YOU HAVE NEVER HARD SINCE YOU WERE BORN.
DO NOT BE BLINDED BY YOUR INTENTION TO DISCREDIT THE ONLY LIVING BOOK IN HUMAN HISTORY. MAY GOD’S PEACE AND BLESSINGS BE UPON YOU. AM SEEING YOU AS A STRONG ADVOCATE OF THE BIBLE IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE.
@ Fairytail
Actually homosexuality is found to be widespread in the animal kingdom, occurring in over 1000 species. These range from intelligent species such as hominids and primates to worms. Scientific understanding is that homosexuality is not based on choice, but rather biology and environment, and is seen as a positive variant to heterosexuality. As for your statement about flowers, many flowers are actually bisexual, as they have both male and female reproductive organs, so wrap your head around that lol.
My 20 cents shall start with some definitions as listed by dictionary.com (Take note of the contradictions these words have with one another as they’re used all over this web page)
A.Faith
1.Confidence or trust in a person or thing: Faith in another’s ability
2.Belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
B.Logic
1.The science that investigates the principles governing correct or reliable inference.
2.A particular method of reasoning or argumentation: We were unable to follow his logic.
C.Religion
1.A set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
D.Context
1.The parts of a written or spoken statement that precede or follow a specific word or passage, usually influencing its meaning or effect.
2.The set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.
Now all I’ve listed there are definitions.(not the full ones) If you have a bug in your ass because I didn’t list the full ones then use the site and look yourself so everything is not taken out of context for you.
Another fun point of view is that God is omnipotent
E.Omnipotent
1.Almighty or infinite in power, as God
2.Having very great or unlimited authority or power.
So then if God is omnipotent why does he keep letting things get out of hand if he could perhaps wiggle his nose and put everything back to the way it was? If that doesn’t grind your gears then how bout this one. God is supposed to be all loving too.
F.Love
1.A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
Some people try to use the logic that if everything was easy we wouldn’t learn anything. If that is the case, I wonder what is to be learned by women when they’re raped. Perhaps when porn is the only way someone can make enough money to survive that’s a valuable life lesson in itself. Maybe the 8 years my father rotted in prison(and still is)for a crime he was never convicted of was meant to teach me something.
I certainly did everything I could faith wise. Read the bible, went to church, donated plenty of money, was baptized and helped in after church activities, I even attended Christian concerts with my church and participated in group “cleansing” of our sins so we could ask forgiveness and have God touch our lives. And for all of my faith and dedication and love and hope my reward was nothing.
That leaves 2 possibilities. Either God is not Omnipotent or he is not all loving. Either way that leaves a huge hole in just about everything God based for Christians and most of the other variations. Pick your favorite one. Oh, and don’t try to say that you can’t just limit it down to 2 possibilities when you either have faith or you’re a nonbeliever. Religion is full of absolutes and hypocrisy. God or no god, love or no love, heaven or hell, good or bad, sin or no sin etc. etc. etc. yaaaaawn, etc.
For more religious questions scope out Netflix documentaries. Religulous with Bill Maher also points out some interesting questions regarding people and their faith too. It also shows exactly how pissed some people get when it comes to religion, but you don’t need me to tell you that. There have been an abundance of wars, killings, and prejudice all because of…..(drum roll) Religion!!! So the very thing that is supposed to fix everyone’s problems seems to be the problem itself. Anyone want to see the definition of an oxymoron? Too bad.
G.Oxymoron
1.A figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.”
I’ll conclude with what I think is the biggest laugh of them all. Just about every religious debate I have gotten into and/or seen and/or heard about always hits a single question which so many people seem to get some mislead comfort in. What if you’re wrong?
Well if I’m wrong then I guess it’s true I didn’t have a clue, but I gave it my best shot and used my problem solving skills I was taught in school to weigh out possible options for living my life. I chose not to live in constant fear because of another. (Which by the way is inexplicably simliar to the definiton of terrorism)
H.Terrorism
1.The use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.
2.The state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
I walked that path before and it couldn’t give anything it promised, however it did sharpen my thinking and widen my perspective of possibilities so I suppose some thanks is to be given for wide spread control. May I burn in hell for all eternity with bells on my ass for fighting the good war on terror that my country is so God damn proud of.
That’s my answer to the “What if you’re wrong” question. So if you believe in God and just know that you and your loved ones are going to heaven to live an eternity of happiness, sample the question that so many god fearing people love to shove down other people’s throats yourself. What if YOU are wrong.
Everyone keeps saying these verses are taken “out of context”. In what context would they look good in anyways?
Well, it saddens me to see all this hate going on here. I literally pray that we all see the true life, the light, the True God. As it stands, this debate is going nowhere and will not be resolved by any one speaking on this page. But here is a few things maybe to keep in mind:
Christians: We need to stop all this hate mail towards those who are in disagreement. If not are we not further hurting the message of Jesus? Remember 2 Cor. 4.If you cannot recall it, i urge you to read it. Show Love, if we have the Love of God truly in our hearts, than how can we be saying things to tear those who are still in doubt about it? God is Love, Love those who hate you, and show how strong God is by doing this. Don’t condemn those who don’t know, we show them God by showing them Love!
Anyone else: Sorry that we have not showed the same grace and Love that is shown to us all by God. If you do not want to rush into a church or hear someone preach at you, that’s fine, but all i can say is please try and read the bible for yourselves. If you can read it all the way through and still disagree, well I suppose that is that. Not saying that the bible is wrong in anyway, but until you know what is really in it, please don’t disgrace it or God. But know what it is your hate before you hate it.
All: I hope we can all truly see the light and the true God. i seriously am in pray for us all. But as a last thought, IF YOU HAVE READ THIS, YOU ARE NO LONGER IGNORANT! The hard truth is that their WILL be a judgement day. We can disagree with this statement all we want but it is really going to happen. So just think two things:
Which side do I want to be on? The side already winning? Or the side not winning?
(If non-christian) Say all this stuff is mumbo jumbo and it is not real? Then o well, we die and then their is nothing, we wont exsist…But what if, just what if it is all True, REAL? Well than it wasn’t a waste of your time…
May we all see the blessings of God through His son Christ and find Peace, Joy, and Love in it.
This is my prayer!
Joint-Heir w/ Christ(hopefully we can all fill in our names here…)
I love how people complain above about things being taken out of context above, and yet Christians are happy to pick through the old supposedly irrelevant aspects of Jewish and Levite laws to dig out verses against homosexuality and tattoos. If you quote those verses, you must keep a kosher kitchen and sacrifice a turtle after you menstruate. Otherwise, hush.
Let’s see…
Christians saying things are “out of context” and missing the point of the post? Check.
Non-believers wildly mocking the Christians and taking their “out of context” argument out of context? Check.
Total weirdos coming out of left field with some ultra-bizarro take on everything? Check.
People saying, “I LOVE HOW CHRISTIANS HATE GAYS BECAUSE THAT’S IN THE OLD TESTAMENT”…ignoring that it’s in the New Testament too? Check.
Yep, it’s your typical religion fight on the internet.
Christians, of course they are taken out of context. It was done as a joke. Get over it.
Non-Christians, stop with the terrible strawman arguments about “picking through verses” and “you better not wear woven fabric” bullcrap. You’re just as big of a blind follower as they are for repeating that foolish argument because you heard somebody say it and you thought it sounded cool, but if you read the entire New Testament, it would be easy to see why that argument doesn’t hold water.
This is all so humorus to me. I find it to be absolutely hilarious that most wars are started about God. Most people will become violent and murderous defending their faith. Meanwhile, God is supposedly so great and loving. Do you “Christians” believe that God would want you calling other human beings son’s of bitches in the defenses that you create for Him? Biblically speaking, every human being was created in God’s image. Ergo calling someone a son of bitch is to call Jesus Christ a son of a bitch. Do you think Jesus was sitting there getting nailed to the cross screaming “You son’s of bitches! I hope you all burn in hell for this fuckin shit! My father is so gonna have your asses for this bullshit!” NO! Shit like this makes me think that the bible is a huge crock of shit. Let me re-phrase. I think the bible is the correct word of God in some parts. I think most of it is a crock of shit. The bible was not written by Jesus. The bible was not written by God. The bible was not written by The Holy Ghost (though wouldn’t that have been a sight to see). The bible was written by man. Man, creatures who can always be counted on to be misinformed. Unless Jesus was sitting over every author of the best selling book of all time, I’m 100% sure that sometimes, that group of ever fallible humans fucked up here and there. First off, the bible contridicts inself EVERYWHERE. I think that’s due to difference in oppinion between theses authors. For example; GE 1:31 God was pleased with his creation.
GE 6:5-6 God was not pleased with his creation.
(Note: That God should be displeased is inconsistent with the concept of omniscience.) There are so many other examples that this book was the word of man and not God. I don’t believe for one second that God is as much of a prick as the bible makes Him out to be. The idea that He created this instinct within us all (which is a miracle in itself) and then set every single rule in opposition is nuts. God’s not that mean, He isn’t that cruel. Not to mention, He created us in His image. If he created us in His image, that means He has the same things we do. He has a sense of humor (go to Walmart and look around, there are some funny lookin people there) He has fear, He has love, He has rage, He get’s annoyed. We are images of Him. I think that taking the bible so seriously is foolish. God is in your heart. Not on paper. I think arguing about it warrants a trip to a really hot place because it’s insulting to the big man himself.
Part of the reason we do not follow the rules of the old testament is because they were rules for the Jews. Christians didn’t exist until Jesus was raised from the dead. Also, things like sacrificing and other laws were erased because of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice. If you can imagine, that’s a pretty big revolution! As for context, I’m tired and what to go to bed. Maybe I’ll comment later.
#1 – Psalm 137:9
“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.”
As with most of these verses, this is taken out of context. The whole text reads:
Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us—
9he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks.
It is talking about the metaphorical children of Babylon the Great (See Revelation 18)
#2 – 2 Kings 18:27
“But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?”
Taken out of context. As punishment, the Lord made food scarce, so that, in order to survive, those people would have to either turn to cannibalism or eat their own waste.
#3 – Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”
Obedience was important
#4 – Mark 14:51-52
“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.”
Taken out of context ONCE AGAIN, this incident occured in the middle of the night, the man was in his pajamas, which, in the day before underwear, he was naked under his linen shirt, as other translations say.
#5 – Ezekiel 16:17
“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.”
This is addressing a very sinful nation, which was later destroyed by God.
#6 – Judges 3:19-24
“But he himself turned back at the idols near Gilgal and said, ‘I have a secret message for you, O king.’ And he commanded, ‘Silence.’ And all his attendants went out from his presence. And Ehud came to him as he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, ‘I have a message from God for you.’ And he arose from his seat. And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. Then Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them. When he had gone, the servants came, and when they saw that the doors of the roof chamber were locked, they thought, ‘Surely he is relieving himself in the closet of the cool chamber.’“
When any animal/human dies, it’s excrement is expelled. This is also true with anyone who has ever caught a mouse on a sticky trap.
#7 – Deuteronomy 23:1
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
Purity was a big deal with God. For sacrifices, the animal had to be without blemish. There was also a requirement for anyone who had to go into God’s house.
#8 – 1 Samuel 18:25-27
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
Circumcision was important to God and the Israelites. So the uncircumcised philistines were to be killed and circumcised, and present the foreskins to the israelite King.
#9 -Numbers 11:18
“And tell the people to purify themselves, for tomorrow they will have meat to eat. Tell them, ‘The LORD has heard your whining and complaints: ‘If only we had meat to eat! Surely we were better off in Egypt!’ Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the LORD, who is here among you, and you have complained to him, ‘Why did we ever leave Egypt?’“
After leaving Egypt, the Israelites did nothing but complain. They complained about not having bread. they complained about having bread. They consistantly griped and complained about EVERYTHING. God got fed UP!
#10 – Ezekial 23:19-20
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
Oh my indeed. “There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals (the lovers) were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”
I wish you would leave the scripture verses in their context and consider them FIRST, to avoid looking like a fool.
To:Count Trukula,
Thank you for trying to put those excerpts into context, however I fail to see how any of them are now better off.
My father is a devout Catholic and had a testicle removed due to testicular cancer. Does that “blemish” keep him from getting into the gates of heaven. A blemished caused theoretically by God himself. Because if God is responsible for creating man and all that occurs; good or bad. God directly gave my father cancer and therefore, has now dammed him to hell for all eternity.
Is that the correct reading/translation of that excerpt?
@Trukula
#1 Agreed, it is taken out of context, but not in the way you’d like it to be. Instead of promoting infanticide it promotes genocide which usually includes infanticide when regarding your immoral and atrocious tyrant of a blood god.
#2 “Taken out of context.”
False, this is just an excerpt from the most immoral part, the part you yourself admitted. It actually makes it look better than what it is, how would people have reacted when they found out it was your god that made people starve enough to do this? All the exerpt did was show the act, not the culprit (your god).
#3 You didn’t put this one into a different context, and you just supported killing your child, good job on showing immorality. I wonder if you would kill your own kids…
#4 “Taken out of context ONCE AGAIN”
False, this isn’t taken out of context, it is exactly IN context. All that was said was the act of pulling away the garments and the man escaping naked. Nothing changes this meaning though at least you actually tried to on this one, sadly you cried wolf, good try though.
#5 It is still in context.
#6 “When any animal/human dies, it’s excrement is expelled.”
False, not all organisms expell excrement on death, not even most. The only time a person or a mouse would expell excrement on death is if the excrement reached the colon, all muscles relax so it would just come out since the sphinctor wouldnt hold it back. extrement doesn’t magically shoot through your system on death. You also forgot to show how this isn’t in context.
#7 You show your immorality and that of your god’s. Losing a testicle or having part of a penis cut off, which ironically is what god calls for, has nothing to do with purity. Also, you forgot to try to put it into context.
#8 You didn’t show it out of context and just admitted that genital mutilation is acceptable in your religion and in the bible. And yes, circumcision is genital mutilation no matter how you look at it, it is an unnatural alteration of the genitals and is especially mutilation when done to the dead/unwilling. How would you like it if another religion killed your family then cut your mother and sisters clitoris’ off because their god deemed it necessary?
#9 You just admitted this one was IN context to why respond to it?
#10 Again, you didn’t put it into context and just repeated it since it was IN context to begin with.
Conclusion: 1 out of 10 was taken out of context but was still immoral. What now? Are you going to try and say it doesn’t mean what it says?
To have faith in a God is to not have faith in ones self.
The bible is a fairy tale written and rewritten over thousands of years. How can a sane person believe anything that is written in the bible? There is no proof of anything written in the bible yet so many believe it. Why? Because they have faith. The only thing you should have faith in, is your self. Religion is a farce. I do not deny that it does have its good points, but at the same time, does a sane person really need a book to tell you it is not right to commit murder? Come on people, open your eyes. If you are a sane person with morals you know the correct way to live your life.
Science flies you to the moon, religion flies you into the side of a building.
What if…it was written by a dude?
People (the blindley religious) keep saying that stuff here is “taken out of context” yet when it’s a ridiculous quote THEY make we’re supposed to abide by it?
The bible advocates fratricide, incest, theft, murder, rape, spousal abuse, stoning… Old testament / New Testament, if it’s the “word of God”, who are you to choose which is to be applied?
And lets look at who wrote the books and the times and prejudices. They weren’t written by God. They were written by men who tanscribed stories passed amongst campfires and celrical conclaves over hundreds of years. And if you apply the same reason to the bible, that it was the word of God, handed down to man through man, then that makes the Quran the THIRD TESTAMENT.
This is the idiocy of religion. It has no standing when put to tests of reason.
“Byron Thought Jesus Wouldn’t Mind.Apparently Jesus Don’t Like The Apache.”-Ben Wade(Russell Crowe):”3:10 to Yuma”.
The one about the bear killing 42 youths. I forget what verse that is.
I can’t stand when people say that the ten commandments are the ‘corner stones’ of our law. If that is the caes why are there no laws against worshipping other gods, not keeping the sabbath, not honoring your mother and father etc etc. As far as I can tell the only two that match up are stealing and murder and these are wrong in almost all cultures. I like Exodus 3 when old Yaweh commands the fleeing Israelites to steal things from the Egyptians before leaving. He’s actually commanding them to break a (future)commandment!!!
What a bunch of boneheads. Almost all the horrible acts mentioned are about how bad the good guys suffer at the hands of the bad guys.
I’m not here as a Bible defender. On the contrary, I landed here looking for bizzare quotes to discredit fundamentalist wackos. But unfortunately, these quotes all make sense in CONTEXT. Don’t just read x:yy. Do an independent search of x, by itself, before you claim to know what the sentence means.
so many butthurt christfags. nobody here is trying to tell you to stop believing in god, we are merely pointing out how flawed the bible is. the fact of the matter is that these are only a few of the “questionable” verses in the bible. saying that these particular verses are taken out of context is nowhere near a decent excuse.
Alright for #7 Deuteronomy 23:1 it says that those who have messed up testes wont make it as well as Ammonites and Moabites. This is the period before Christ where only God’s chosen people (Jews) were saved. Jesus came so that both the Jews and the Gentiles would be saved. This includes people with messed up privates as well as Ammonites and Moabites. Therefore, people with injured privates can be saved. If you don’t believe that the death of Jesus Christ to save ALL is not biblically supported: Mark 16:16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. If that’s not enough, Romans 10:13 states: “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
I can explain others anyone requests
So let me get this straight, modern day christians can just pick and choose what they take from the bible as long as they can justify it and it doesn’t go against modern day standards and practices? I’m going to start reading Harry Potter that way, i bet i come up with a completely different story, but don’t worry, the “spirit” will be the same i’m sure. Also, i’m going to let 250+ people rewrite Harry Potter for me first because i trust that they will keep my mine and god’s best interest at heart like men in power always have. Christians are idiots who refuse to ask the truly tough questions. Remember, it’s easier to be Christian in this country than think for yourself and really look for answers.
Funny how the major complaint here is that these verses are “out of context,” when entire denominations, policies, stupid and/or horrible acts are justified by one Bible verse.
I was raised catholic and so happy to be an aetheist. I just don’t believe any of it. Such a waste of time. We really shouid stop fighting wars and enacting legislation behind myth and magic.
I think #7 actually means that any man who removes his testicles will be allowed in His presence. You know, like a sex change…
I use to be blind to the things of God. I would say things just like some of you guys. Until October of 1998 when God saw fit to open my eyes and forgive me of my sins. I garuntee that I could have a conversation with any of you about God’s word and you would have more respect for its true meaning. The Old Testament is very important to the lives of all Christians. It is what points the way to Jesus The Christ. People who call themselves Christians have done all sorts of evil in history, but calling yourself a Christian does not make you one. BTW I think this article was funny it is the comments that are so off. It is amazing that such hate can come from people who are trying to point out why they think the Bible is hateful. But that is the state of man unable to see his own fault, but easily picks out others. Keep believing that you crawled out of slim millions, or billions, or trillions, or whatever they are saying now years ago. Scripture teaches that even if you do not believe in Christ he cannot deny Himself. John 3:18 says that those who do not believe are condemned already. Everyone of those strange verses you have pointed out have their place in God’s eternal plan. I was not raised in church and I did not just decide to become a Christian. God made me aware of Himself and in the light of Him I realized that I was a sinner and that I was in need of a savior. That day the Holy Spirit became apart of my life. Some say it is wrong to tell people that Jesus is the way to salvation and eternal life, but they atelier fine with telling me that I am lieing about God instantly changing my life. I use to make fun of Christians and I could not understand the Bible, so I understand the frustration of the lost world. It will drive you nuts to have someone tell you that something exist when you can not see it or touch it. Please forgive us crazzy bunch of Christians, but once God has saved a person it becomes part of their life to share it with others. I challenge you all to find a true Christian to sit down with and talk about your issues with scripture. I am not talking about this post because it appears his guy was just being funny, but some of you that replied have some real issues with the Bible. I am sorry that some say they are Christians and come across as so hateful, but people are sinful, and it is difficult to tell if someone really is a Christian until you begin to see their fruit. My words will generate hate because that is what comes from those who feel like they are an accident. But if anyone is open to talking about the truth then feel free to contact me. I am not afraid to take about any Bible passage. A couple of points. 1. No one should be fighting wars over Christianity, but some religions do insist on killing Christians. 2. Homosexuals are spoken of in the New Testament, and there sinners just like every other person who lives is a sinner it is nothing personal. 3. For created man to look at God and try to tell Him how He should do things is arrogance at its worst. 4. For those saying they choose hell it will take less than a second for you to regret those words and repent of them for all eternity. I pray you find Christ before you die. 5. Try to study just a little it will not hurt you to know what ou ate talking about when you mention Christian teachings.
Psalm 58:10 “The righteous will be glad when they are avenged, when they bathe their feet in the blood of the wicked.”
Aah, the “good” book…God is love…turn the other cheek…a soft answer turneth away wrath…hypocrite much?
I have no hatred for the common believer – I grew up with them and know many fine humans who believe in one god or another. Some of the more progressive believers are willing to admit faults with their own scriptures but one thing that cannot be made sense of is how you can base a belief like Christianity on scriptures written by man. It is clear under honest scrutiny that the Bible cannot be written “as the word of God” unless that god is both deceitful and wicked which really only leaves 2 options: that it is purely the work of man or that it is an interpretation or manmade account of the will of God. In the latter case i refer to my earlier statement about the senselessness of using it as a basis for religion.
In any case, the Bible is an awesome book of records and even in the worst case, it is still time capsule from thousands of years ago.
To recall my opening line: I only have a problem with the concept of supporting a belief that hurts society or prohibits progress. In this case I refer to anyone who believes that the Bible requires them to oppose certain lifestyles such as homosexuality. Believe in Jesus, Allah, Shiva, etc and live a full and happy life if that is truly your choice. Do not, however, think that your beliefs should detur others from engaging in whatever practices they wish to pursue so long as they are similarly tolerant and harmless.
Lol why is this “post” (or whatever) even necessary? Cause atheist envy christains and don’t want to admit it (na I’m joking)? anyways guys, so what’s the motive behind all of this nonsense? Trying to kill time?
[...] Talmudic laws. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ changed the rules.Before you pull out your list of bizarre bible verses, ask the Catholics you’re talking to about how they interpret different parts of the bible. [...]
simsom 15-16 Goes to jerusalem and kills 1,000 palestinian with donkey chow bone
Atheists envy Christians? You’re kidding…right?
LOL I had so much fun reading all the comments on this thread. I am glad there are still people in this world capable of critical thinking. I almost thought we were running out. I agree with 70% of comments. I have no quarrel with people who help others. I have no quarrel with people who believe in something that makes them a better person. However even a blind man could see the flawed system we have created for ourselves. History repeats itself, cause we allow it. We have been following the same stupid ideologies and books for years. Religion is separation or conformity. Whatever you believe dictates your reality. So therefore half of you are the source to your own problem. Look into the past and the present. Destruction, poverty, crime, rape, incest, molestation, denial, treason, genocide, murder, abuse, torment, pain, sadness, despair…..blah blah blah. These things are most prevalent. Religion has not saved us from anything, but the ability to be able to judge and condemn. You religious gurus should realize that even in your own scriptures it says “every man is right in his own eyes”…….so shut your mouth and forgive those who you “think” don;t know any better, and quit trying to play god. All I will ask is the same question you have been asking for eons……”WHAT IF YOU ARE WRONG”……head over heels in blind faith, what if what you are following is leading you astray……..how would you know. People have been killing people for centuries over religion. Your denial is transgression………….”And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.” – Corinthians 11:14–15…………..TAKE THAT OUT OF CONTEXT MY ASS>>>>>>YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS>>>>>You must understand…..EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS IN THAT LINE RIGHT THERE. THE GREATEST TRICK THE DEVIL EVER PULLED WAS MAKING PEOPLE THINK HE DIDN’t INFLUENCE THOSE WHO WROTE THE BIBLE. THInk about it……IN THE BIBLE IT STATES>…..SATAN IS HERE…..WELL GUESS WHAT…..THE BIBLE Is EITHER A HISTORY BOOK AND WE ARE IN HELL, PURGATORY OR HEAVEN…..OR IT IS WRITTEN BY THE ULTIMATE TRICKSTER>>>>>AND INDEED HE HAS FOOLED YOU ALL. YOU LET A BOOK BY POPULAR DEMAND SHUT OFF YOUR HEART TO MORALITY…..THOSE WHO CAN TEACH YOU TO JUSTIFY INJUSTICE CAN TEACH YOU TO COMMIT ATROCITIES. THE ANSWERS LIE INSIDE OF YOU…..THAT IS THE TEST.
Well if the old testament doesn’t matter then neither do the 10 commandments, they are old testament. Just no way to argue the bible logically these days…..facts and reason DAMN.
the sacrifice of Jesus changed no laws…god is unchanging his word is forever and perfect according to the bible. Jesus himself said: For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. So go argue this conundrum with Jesus and god lol.
sigh…Oct 1998 Robert K takes leave of his sanity.
WIRA …Take your religion of Islam and shove that too! Its even more repulsive.
For supposedly being inspired by a “perfect” god it sure isn’t written well for people to keep taking it out of “context.”