Quantum of Solace comes out tonight, and you bet your ass we’re gonna be there. Maybe you will be too. Maybe we’ll see you there.
Anyway, in honor of the new Bond movie, we’re gonna count down the…
Top 15 Most Ridiculous James Bond Gadgets!
These gadgets make the list because they meet at least one of the following requirements.
1.) They have funny sounding names.
2.) They look funny.
3.) They are impossible in real life.
4.) They are very possible in real life, and thus boring.
5.) Because we said so.
#15 – Self-Destruction Bag as seen in the movie Dr. No
Okay, so the idea is that the bag will destroy itself and the secret documents it holds. But, is it really a good idea to send a bag like that to the airport?
#14 – X-Ray Document Scanner as seen in the movie Golden Eye
Yeah, that’s a Tea Tray, and that’s what Q disguised this X-Ray scanner as. Sounds convenient huh? “What’s that you have there under your coat James?” And besides that, what document needs to be x-rayed? Do documents have bones?
#13- Signature Camera Gun as seen in the movie License To Kill
This item makes the list because of it’s silly rules of operation. It only shoots for the person that it’s programed to shoot for via a sensor in the grip. Well, how did they test to see if it even worked, did James have to be there through all of the test phases? What if his hands were dirty and the sensor couldn’t tell it was him? That could get a little frustrating.
#12 – Revolving Sofa as seen in the movie The Living Daylights
Never actually used by James Bond, but it was tested by Mi6 to “eat” people that sat on it. Furniture with a mouth.
This has to be the least inventive gadget ever. A credit card used to open a lock. Right… you call the locksmith, give him your credit card for payment, and he unlocks the door. Nice.
#10 – The Pager as seen in the movie From Russia With Love
You have to give the folks at Mi6 a break on this one considering how long ago the movie was made (1963). But, seriously, even by the standards around back then… was a pager all that impressive? People in the 60’s were flying to the moon for goodness sake.
#9 – Underwater Jetpack as seen in the movie Thunderball
Sure, the underwater rocket pack sounds awesome. Right up until you realize just how cumbersome this would be to move around. You can just picture Bond trying to wheel this thing down to the beach on a dolly or in the back of his vehicle only to get stuck and totally pissed.
#8 – Mini Rocket Cigarette as seen in the movie You Only Live Twice
The problem with this gadget is the what if factor. What if you happened to light the wrong one?
#7 – Pocket Snap Trap as seen in the movie Diamonds Are Forever
The idea behind this gadget is that if someone tried to pick your pocket, they’d get their fingers snapped. How many times did James Bond come into headquarters with his wallet missing before they designed this?
#6 – Clothing Brush Communicator as seen in the movie Live And Let Die
Seriously, what the hell? Who even has one of these. It doesn’t matter if you can call people with it. Actually, I think my Grandpa had one. So, Grandpa and James Bond carry lint brushes.Go Grandpa.
#5 – Grappling Suspenders as seen in the movie For Your Eyes Only
Nothing says secret agent like suspenders. Just ask some of our favorite secret agents, Balki from Perfect Strangers and Urkel from Family Matters.
#4 – Bag Pipe Flamethrower as seen in the movie The World Is Not Enough
There really isn’t anything in the world less intimidating than a bagpipe even if it does spout flames and bullets. Truth be told, music played by it is okay if accompanied by guitars, fiddles, drums, etc. But, by itself…
#3 – Crocodile Submarine as seen in the movie Octopussy
Well, this just sounds like a terrible idea all the way around. The “boat” is a fiberglass shell covered in “actual crocodile skin” that one person can tool around in. Bond used it to disguise himself while crossing a moat filled with crocs. Sounds nice, right up until…
#2 – Wetsuit with a Rubber Duckie as seen in the movie Goldfinger
This has to rank right up there with one of the stupidest ideas anyone has ever come up with for anything at all… ever. It was a rubber suit, with a rubber duck on it’s head. Helpful for getting around… if you’re trying ot sneak around in a BATHTUB!
#1 – Fake Nipple as seen in the movie The Man With The Golden Gun
We’ll admit that we’ve never seen this movie. But, why does Bond need a 3rd nipple? And how is that considered a gadget? What’s next, a belly button that opens beers?
That does it! Tell us about the gadgets you do and don’t like in the Comments Section.