Recently I received a gift from a friend. The gift was extraordinary. I want to share it with you.
Instant Playtime Bears!
We’ve all come across these toys before, tiny capsules that when immersed in water, grow into amazing creatures our imaginations have trouble comprehending. The toys are fun no doubt. But this toy in particular has something that the others do not.
Humpty the Bear. He’s back kids, and you better keep your All American Pill Shaped friends away. Humpty is the Proud new spokesperson for pickle love. I mean, he’s the new spokesperson for The World Famous Original Foam Toy, voted #1 Tub toy.
These toys work simply enough. Put them in hot water, and they grow. Then you play with them and wash your friends’ backs with them.
Wait, what? “Used by educators worldwide”
You’ve got to be kidding me right? What class uses these to teach anything? And what lesson do you learn? What college offers such a class. Because I’m signing up.
Class is in session everyone. Let’s see the curriculum.
Hahahahahahahahaha. If only MY parents had been so naive. Wonders of the World huh? Grand Canyon, Northern Lights, The Taj Mahal. They don’t have shit on INSTANT PRODUCTS.
Let’s find out how we can experience such wonder and excitement.
Simple enough right. Now, where can we find enough warm water… it did say #1 Tub Toy.
Bubble bath, check.
Wait. 5 Blue, 4 Red, 2 Green, and 1 Yellow. Yellow… you must be special. I will save you for last. Into the tub!
I had every intention of showing videos of each item as it “grew” but I swear to you they lied on the package. The damn things took no less than 2 minutes to reach adulthood. And this website is about to explode with data already. So here’s a pic of the little critters midway. While we wait, let’s check out what we’re growing.
Bear with large chest wound.
Party time Bear.
Bear about to vomit in pain from a chest wound.
Bear hitting a bong.
Fatass depressed Bear.
And finally… Bear taking a giant sized shit.
Top to bottom we have the blue pills, red pills, and green pills in their final bear form.
I’m not going to lie to you and say that I was impressed with the results. The bears are hardly the size of a quarter, bearly (get it! bearly!) larger than the original capsule they came in. All in all we had 2 Bears with chest wounds, 2 Bears about to kill over and die do to chest wounds, 2 party time Bears, 2 bong Bears, and 1 fat Bear. But, lest you forget. There’s still one wonderful yellow pill left!
Don’t let me down yellow, I just know you have something awesome inside you.
2 minutes later…
BROOKE HOGAN! Holy Shit, Instant Playtime Bears are made of win!
I recommend you pick up a pack today!