Star Wars… More Like Cute Wars

First off, let me apologize for the unplanned massive display of “toy love” that I’ve shown over the past week. Two articles in so few days revolving around toys must make you think that I have some kind of issue. Well, I do I suppose, I like toys. But, I have to defend myself in saying that “Flashback Fridays” will not always revolve around toys, as mentioned in the “Rolling Thunder” article, it may be about movies, tv, music, etc.

Anyway, on with the show!

Today’s Toy Review is going to focus on something that I’ve been wanting to purchase for myself for quite some time, but, I’ve always said… “No, you’re an adult. Your money is used to pay bills.” However, after delving more into the toy(s) we’re checking out today, I’m pretty sure I’ll be making a trip to the store this evening. Screw electricity, I need these.

Star Wars has teamed up with Hasbro once again for a line of toys that makes little kids scream at their mommies and grown men ignore electricity bills. They go by the name “Star Wars Galactic Heroes Action Figures” which, according to my data…

…is the longest name ever for a line of toys. I guess that the toy line is deserving though. I mean, c’mon look at the C3PO and Chewbacca team up.

Oh just look at them! Cute enough that you almost want to reach out and pinch their little plastic cheeks. The figures are small. Tiny enough to fit in your pocket and bring to school, church, the playground, on a date, or even to work.

“Bro! Hand out of the pocket. Get your own tiny Chewbacca action figure!”

As you can see, each figure is terribly distorted but for the most part true to the original characters. C3PO is all gold and Chewbacca is furry and has gigantic freakish feet. I’m a little disappointed however that they chose to give him a standard issue blaster instead of his traditional crossbow type. And I totally appreciate the little basket they included. You see, at one point Chewie had to put all of C3PO’s body parts in a basket and carry him. So it’s relavent.

This is my absolute favorite of the series, not because of Luke and his “I just rode a horse” stance. It’s my favorite because I love the R2D2. It’s the perfect toy. One that I would fight someone fisticuffs if they tried to take it.

“I’d like to see you try and take this R2D2 from my hand scallywag!”

Luke makes a second appearance in the series alongside his father, Darth Vader. As you can see in the picture he’s mildly retarded. You’re never going to block his lightsaber like that Luke! What are you the Statue of Liberty? I love the detail they kept here. Luke originally carried a blue lightsaber, but it was later swapped out because it didn’t contrast enough with a blue sky. So, they changed it to green. Don’t say you never learned anything reading one of my posts.

By far my least favorite of the bunch. Han Solo and his giant sized blaster and Princess Leia and her “I don’t know” pose. Extra points for the carbonite encased Han though.

We’re crossing over into different eras now. On the left, Kit Fisto and to his right General Grievous. I don’t want to talk about General Grievous because he’s a bastard. But I love Kit Fisto. If I was a Jedi alien, that’d be my name. I find it humorous that George Lucas apparently lost direction with this guy though. He doesn’t look original at all, in fact he looks just like every alien drawing ever scratched together by an anal probe abductee.

“Oh, hi. I’m John Fisto… Kit’s brother.”

The final installment of the series features another look at Luke’s father, Anakin Skywalker before he turned into such a dick. And a Clone Trooper. I really don’t have much to say about these two. But, I would like to point out that they only have four fingers on each hand. I’d also like to point out that I would much rather have a tiny sized Ewok and Yoda instead of these two. Bad move Hasbro. You’ve got me fighting mad now you scallywags!

Probably the best part about the “Star Wars Galactic Heroes Action Figures” series is the promotional literature. Here’s a little nugget from it I found on a toy store website.

“Calling all Jedi and Sith Lords! Wookiees and Tauntauns! Ewoks and Jawas! The Star Wars Galactic Heroes Action Figures have arrived in a galaxy near you! Grab your lightsaber, fire up your X-wing engines and join in the excitement!”

First of all, bad idea inviting mortal enemies to the same party. Second tauntauns are not sentient beings. So, they won’t understand you “calling” them. Why would you rope them in with the Wookies and Sith Lords? You might remember them from “The Empire Strikes Back” when the rebels are on the Ice Planet Hoth. No, I’m the only nerd here huh? Screw you guys. Tauntauns are like a cross between a llama and a kangaroo and long story short, they’re probably the last thing you want at your “Star Wars Galactic Heroes Action Figures” play date with your friends.

Each set retails for $6.69 so there’s not really a good reason not to buy all of these if you’re a big fan of the movie series. Electricity is for suckers anyway… light a candle and have a ball playing with your new toys.

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