The 30 Most Bizarre Santas The Internet Has To Offer

There’s something entertaining about putting a random word into a search engine and seeing what the internet provides. It’s an entirely different story when you put in a word that should provide perfectly normal results, and you come up with things like the following. These are The 30 Most Bizarre Santas The Internet Has To Offer, enjoy!


#1. Santa Fights The Devil

It’s a known fact that in his war against the devil, Jesus recruits Saints to help in the battle. Santa, or Saint Nick was always found in the front lines. Here it looks like he caught Satan off guard during a performance of Hamlet.


#2. You’re Doing It Wrong Santa

This is either Santa’s evil twin brother Stan Claus, or he has never experienced Christmas before. The colors are red and white Stan!


#3. Santa the Deer Charmer

You might be thinking… “Hey what’s wrong with Santa playing a saxophone, that’s cool.” But, what’s really going on here is that Santa has studied the art of Snake Charming… sadly he’s substituted the usual snake, for Blitzen.


#4. Santa macks on some Ho Ho Hos.

About one out of every 10 Santa images on the internet brings either a Sexy Santa Chick or a pic of Santa with a Sexy Chick. This is our favorite. She didn’t even bother dressing up in holiday attire, she’s just a hoe.


#5. Santa Battles The Flash

Sure, we could assume that Flash made the Naughty List, and therefore Santa is only doing what is necessary. The bigger question is: Why are there three gun toting, short wearing Santas?


#6. Santa Visits The Baby Jesus

He was left out of most Bibles, but according to this, Santa was indeed at the manger along with the other wise men. He didn’t bring frankincense, gold, or myrrh. Santa brought what Jesus really wanted, a Nintendo Wii.


#7. Santa Twins

Honestly, we’ve got nothing on this one. Santa battling his evil twin Stan for a maraschino cherry? Anyone have any clue?


#8. Santa Arrested

It was bound to happen. Santa is finally arrested for Breaking and Entering.


#9. Santa On Vacation

Everyone deserves a break from their jobs. But isn’t there some kind of rule about men with bellies full of jelly keeping their shirts on at the beach?


#10. Santa Battle Halloween Man

The caption in the top right says it all… “The Battle That Had To Happen, Halloween vs. Christmas!” The battle for holiday supremacy is one thing, but why in the hell are there three Fetish Nuns!?!?!?


#11. Buttplug Santa Statue

Sure, you could make the excuse that Santa is simply holding a poorly made Christmas Tree in his hand. You could…


#12. Smoking Is Cool Santa

Before is advertising contract with Coke came into play, Santa had to do something to make ends meet.


#13. Santa The Ass Kicker

Halloween Man better watch his back, because this Santa means business.


#14. Shaka Santa

It’s all groovy in Santa’s neighborhood. We just wish the picture was taken a little farther out, it’d be awesome to know what the statue is to the right.


#15. Santa Riding A Reindeer Scooter

At Christmas, Santa uses the sleigh pulled by reindeer. The rest of the year, he rides this piece of crap.


#16. Santa Shits Candy

We’ll quote Family Guy’s version of the Crazy Mickey Rooney on this one… “Open up your stockings kids!”


#17. Santa Plays The Bongos

First, why would Santa ever need to play the bongos? Second… the “Try Me” sticker is a sad attempt at selling a ridiculous concept. “Try me… please?”


#18. Naked Santa

Nothing says boner like a naked chick. Nothing says limp dick like a naked Santa.


#19. The Night Jesus Met Santa Claus

We bet the illustrator of this book nearly lost it when he was given this task. “Um, yeah… we need you to draw Santa… on the floor of a house. With Jesus pointing at him. No, seriously.” We bet that CD is priceless too.


#20. The Night Christmas Was Ruined For Everyone

At one point, everyone’s dad probably dressed up as Santa in a ploy to woo us into believing in a little Christmas magic. This, would be like doing the exact opposite.


#21. Santa Moped Army

In America, we have the Hell’s Angels. In Japan, there’s Santa’s Moped Army.


#22. Washed Up Santa

You try living with a bunch of elves and see if it doesn’t lead you to drinking yourself stupid.


#23. Scary As Hell Santa

Someone please hold us.


#24. Eco-friendly Santa

Everyone has to do their part to save the planet.


#25. Santa Doom

The Fantastic Four thwarted Dr. Doom on hundreds of occasions. On this one, we bet they just let play out whatever retarded scheme he had thought up. You know, just for laughs.


#26. Cracked Out Of His Skull Santa

The insane thing about this one, is that someone actually thought this was a good example of what ol’ Saint Nick looked like.


#27. Dear Santa Claus…

Dear Santa Claus…. We’re sorry that we made this graphic, we were drunk and have no idea what we were thinking.


#28. Santa Speared By A Jet Plane

Oh, we bet the big wigs at the airline just thought they were hilarious when they thought this up. It probably was funny, right up until the first couple of kids arrived to board the plane.


#29. Live Phone Calls From Santa

Officially the worst Sex Chat Hotline in the world.


#30. Santa Riding A Rocket Ship

What really happened when Rudolph couldn’t guide his sleigh.


If you’ve seen or heard of a weird and bizarre Santa, tell us about it in the comments section!

5 TV Commercials That Don’t Make A Lick Of Sense

Have you ever been watching television, enjoying some soft core porn your favorite family friendly sitcom, when it was interrupted by not only a commercial, but the stupidest commercial in the world?

It’s happened to all of us at one time or another sure. But, isn’t there a point where it’s just gone too far? Shouldn’t there be a limit to the stupidity that is television advertising. Don’t get us wrong, we love a good commercial. But, we hate the bad ones.

Here’s some of the worst.


The Company: British Airways

The Commercial: “There’s a Whale at the Airport”

Don’t get us wrong, we think marine animals are great. Nothing cuter than a dolphin doing whatever it is a dolphin does. But, at the airport? No thanks. Unless that dolphin is going to bring some coffee and donuts while we wait for our flight to board. That’s cool then. Maybe a mermaid flight attendant, now that’d be hot.


The Company: Head On

The Commercial: “Maybe it’s Chapstick for Your Head”

It basically looks as if the woman in the commercial is using chap stick on her forehead. Maybe that’s what this product is. Perhaps it’s lip balm for a dry and irritated forehead. You know, from wearing a hat or a wool sock cap too long. The only thing worse than an itchy forehead is an itchy ass… we need “Ass On.”


The Company: Truth-Anti Smoking Advertising

The Commercial: “Unicorns Sing About Cigarettes”

It looks like the audience at the end of this ridiculous commercial are pretty much in the same boat as us. Asking the question… “Huh?” Seriously, what the hell do unicorns and leprachauns have to do with smoking? We could probably buy into this if, and only if, Puff the Magic Dragon was in on it, “puff”ing away at a cigarette.


Company: Vitamin Water

The Commercial: “Kelly Clarkson and the Cobra”

Despite how awesome the dude at the beginning of the commercial is, this spot for Vitamin Water falls just short of making us want to buy water. It’s sad really, because the product is great, flavored water makes regular water taste like bleh. We’d shower in the stuff if it wasn’t a dollar a bottle. Even so, we still think about it.


Company: Burger King

The Commercial: “Whopper Junior is a Bastard”

We love burgers. We don’t love people in burger suits. This just seems like a feeble attempt at Burger King to capitalize on the success McDonald’s had with Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac. Besides, what appeal does an asshole Burger/Human Hybrid freak child have, certainly doesn’t make us hungry.


What’s the wackiest commercial you’ve seen on television? Tell us about it in the comments section!

6 Medicines That Have The Freakiest Warning Labels

It’s a fact of life that medicine is a part of our lives from the minute we’re born. We’re given antibiotics and vaccinations before we even leave the hospital.

What the hell is that?

Everytime we have a runny nose, stomach ache, or elevated temperature, our Moms are tossing nasty tasting stuff down our throats. It only get’s better as we get old, the elderly pretty much live on a diet of pills.


But, man, some of these medicines have some pretty scary warnings. It’s not a matter of “which ones” either, because pretty much every medicine that does anything, has a warning, side effect, or caution that would give anyone the heebie jeebies. Sure, it might cure your itchy bug bite, but if it can also turn your hair green you might think twice.

Can barely feel the itch anymore!

Here’s some common Medicines That Have The Freakiest Warnings, enjoy!


The Medicine: Advair

What It Does: Treats Asthma and Long-Term Lung Disease


No, we didn’t choose to capitalize all of those letters just to put emphasis on how scary that warning is. An asthma medicine that kills people with an asthma related death. Now wait a minute. Where’d the go wrong in the planning of this? We’re not doctors, but surely a medicine should do the opposite of what the disease does, right? That’s like saying, “Sure Mr. Smith, we can help with your Alligator problem, we’re just gonna line the perimeter of your home with a moat filled with Crocodiles.”

Hey, all of the gators are gone, you can come out now.


The Medicine: Ambien

What It Does: Sleep Aid

Why It’s On This List: “SOME PATIENTS TAKING THIS MEDICINE have performed certain activities while they were not fully awake. These have included sleep-driving, making and eating food, making phone calls, and having sex. Patients often do not remember these events after they happen.”

So this is a like the equivalent of getting totally trashed out of your mind. Alcohol also makes you very sleepy. People also tend to think they can still drive, they get hungry, they drunk dial, and they have sex. They also never remember any of that happening.

No I’m not drunk… she is, but I’m fine… seriously.


The Medicine: Paxil

What It Does: Anti-Depressant/Anxiety Relief

Why It’s On This List: “FOR MEN: If you experience a prolonged, painful erection, stop using this medicine and seek immediate medical attention or permanent problems could occur.”

The best part is that the company felt the need to say, “Hey, this warning is for guys only.” As if a woman would be reading the back of her medicine bottle, see that she might indeed suffer a hurtful hard-on, and throw the medicine away. It’s frightening that something so awesome, boner; could be paired with something so terrible, prolonged pain. But, perhaps the scariest part of this warning. “Permanent problems could occur.” That gives us goosebumps, because the problems hinted at here, are for guys only. And the only thing guys have that women don’t, is something that we never, EVER want to have permanent problems with.

You may feel a little discomfort while taking this medicine.


The Medicine: Ibuprofen

What It Does: Treats Mild Pain

Why It’s On This List: “CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience sharp or crushing chest pain; sudden shortness of breath; sudden leg pain; sudden severe headache, vomiting, dizziness, or fainting; changes in vision; numbness of an arm or leg; slurred speech; one-sided weakness; sudden unexplained weight gain; change in amount of urine produced; severe or persistent stomach pain; vomit that looks like coffee grounds; black tarry stools; itching, reddened, swollen, blistered, painful, or peeling skin; yellowing of the skin or eyes; dark urine; right-sided tenderness; severe or persistent tiredness; fever, chills, or sore throat; severe or persistent nausea; swelling of hands, ankles, feet, face, lips, eyes, throat, or tongue; difficulty swallowing or breathing; or hoarseness.”

Holy Shit! We just wanted to get rid of this little headache we have from drinking too much last night. Now we run the risk of having just about every possible side effect known to man happening to us. From a little pill. Throw that whole bottle away now! Let the raccoons deal with it.

Raccoons… headache free, but full of rabies.


The Medicine: Yaz

What It Does: Birth Control

Why It’s On This List: “CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience a missed menstrual period; breast lump or discharge; calf or leg pain, swelling, or tenderness; change in amount of urine produced; chest pain or heaviness; confusion; coughing up blood; fainting; irregular heartbeat; left-sided jaw, neck, shoulder, or arm pain; mental or mood changes (such as depression); numbness of an arm or leg; one-sided weakness; persistent, severe, or recurring headache or dizziness; severe stomach pain or tenderness; slurred speech; sudden severe vomiting; sudden shortness of breath; symptoms of liver problems (such as yellowing of the skin or eyes, fever, dark urine, pale stools, loss of appetite); unusual or severe vaginal bleeding; or vision changes (such as sudden vision loss, double vision).”

We’re not normally one to judge, but, in this case we feel obligated. This might be a case where it’d be better to use a condom. A condom might cause a little awkward moment before doing the deed. Yaz however, will cause you to cough up blood, give you stroke like symptoms, and possibly make you go blind. Best part is, birth control pills are only 99% effective. So, on top of all this, you might still get a kid… yay!

No, I don’t think it’s mine… doesn’t have my eyes.


The Medicine: Cymbalta

What It Does: Anti-Depressant/Anxiety Relief

Why It’s On This List: “SIDE EFFECTS that may occur while taking this medicine include blurred vision, constipation, decreased sexual desire or ability, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth, headache, increased sweating, loss of appetite, muscle aches, nausea, sore throat, tiredness, trouble sleeping, or vomiting. CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience bizarre behavior; confusion; excessive sweating; dark urine; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever or chills; hallucinations; loss of coordination; new or worsening agitation, anxiety, panic attacks, aggressiveness, impulsiveness, irritability, hostility, restlessness, or inability to sit still; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin.”

First of, none of these possible side effects is going to help anyone that already suffers from a problem with depression and anxiety. Can you imagine the Doctor that has the balls to say to his patient: “Jim, I realize you are having trouble dealing with crowded places and the stress involved. That’s why I want to give you this medicine. Sure, there’s a slight chance you might have “…new or worsening agitation, anxiety, panic attacks…” but that’s fine. Because you’ll also be bombarded with new found “…aggressiveness, impulsiveness, irritability, hostility…” so it should all turn out just fine next time you head to the mall.

The Cymbalta Riots of 1912.


The lesson here, read the fine print!

Tell us about some weird warnings you’ve spotted on some common medicines in the comment section!

10 Of The Most Bizarre Bible Verses Ever

The Bible is crazy weird sometimes. No doubt about it. These verses… they make me wanna curl up in a ball and cry they’re so bizarre.


#1 – Psalm 137:9

“Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.”

Whoa! Seriously, happy about throwing your kids around? Maybe a little too harsh a punishment for not eating your vegetables.


#2 – 2 Kings 18:27

“But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?”

This guy was hardcore like Bear Grylls, suggesting that dining on poop and pee would be an enjoyable pastime.


#3 – Deuteronomy 21:18-21

“If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”

A very hardcore look at parenting. Obviously they didn’t believe in “time outs” in Bible times.


#4 – Mark 14:51-52

“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.”

History’s first recorded streaker perhaps?


#5 – Ezekiel 16:17

“You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.”

Obviously this was one of the less attractive relationships available, but, “better than being alone” some might argue.


#6 – Judges 3:19-24

But he himself turned back at the idols near Gilgal and said, ‘I have a secret message for you, O king.’ And he commanded, ‘Silence.’ And all his attendants went out from his presence. And Ehud came to him as he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, ‘I have a message from God for you.’ And he arose from his seat. And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. Then Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them. When he had gone, the servants came, and when they saw that the doors of the roof chamber were locked, they thought, ‘Surely he is relieving himself in the closet of the cool chamber.’

Seriously, what? So, there’s a fat guy, and he gets stabbed, and he’s got poo coming out of his back, and the guards just assume that… you know what, nevermind.


#7 – Deuteronomy 23:1

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Scary for anyone that has ever A.) been kicked in the balls, B.) racked themselves, or C.) forgot their cup during the big game.

#8 – 1 Samuel 18:25-27

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

So, apparently long before Saturday Night Live, King David had done the “Dick in a box” trick.


#9 -Numbers 11:18

“And tell the people to purify themselves, for tomorrow they will have meat to eat. Tell them, ‘The LORD has heard your whining and complaints: ‘If only we had meat to eat! Surely we were better off in Egypt!’ Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the LORD, who is here among you, and you have complained to him, ‘Why did we ever leave Egypt?’

Sure, at first you think. No biggie. I love steak. We love steak too. What about a baked potato? That sound nice too? TOO BAD, JUST MEAT FOR YOU!


#10 – Ezekial 23:19-20

Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

Oh my.


Have any bizarre Bible verses you’d like to share? We know the Bible is full of them. Post your ideas in the Comments Section and we’ll add them to the list!