What If My Wife Named The NFL Teams – Based Only On Their Helmet Logos

First of all – WE’RE BACK! After a nearly 4 year vacation – the Gremlindog Staff is finally back to work.

Secondly, the biggest game in Football is happening this weekend, and the crew is ready for the Big Game. However, my wife couldn’t give less of a shit. So when I told her I was going to watch the Seahawks and the Broncos on Sunday… she had literally no clue as to what I was referencing.

Football, I said, I’m going to watch Football.

“Oh, what teams?”

Denver and Seattle.


I grabbed my computer…

This team, The Seattle Seahawks, are playing The Denver Broncos.

“They should call them the Yawning Horses, that looks like a horse that is yawning.”

Face into hand.

“What the heck is a ‘Seahawk’ anyway? Seagull maybe! HAR HAR HAR!”

Anyone who knows my wife knows this laugh. Anyone who doesn’t can just imagine the goofiest laugh ever. And there you go.

So, that brings us to the topic of this post. What If My Wife Named The NFL Teams – Based Only On Their Helmet Logos! And then to make this a little more fun, and a little more visually appealing – what if we search the name on Google, that she came up with and post the first picture? YAY!

I think we should start with the obvious. This Sunday, it’s the Football Supershow, and playing in this game of all games is none other than…

The Seagulls – Nothing strikes fear into the enemy like a bird that looks cross at the fact someone took his picture.

And in the Big Game, they’ll be playing…

The Yawning Horses – GO TEAM!

Should be a good game!

And here we go with the rest of the amazing Football Show Teams!

The Blue Starfish – Obvious, and cute.

The Flaming T-Stars – Hahahahahaha, wtf?

The Orange with Stripes – Fair Enough, not really funny, but fair enough.

The Orange with No Stripes – Oh yeah.

The Primary Color Thieves – Ha, this movie. Of course, I’m not going to lie – I would still love to have that metal horse that one kid rode around on.

The Star Eyed Cows – I Love You Internet.

The Lucky Horseshoes – I really hoped we would get a picture of Andrew Luck, but, luck ironically enough, was not on our side.

The Blue-Tongued Cats – In all fairness, that cat could have any number of colors on his tongue… and he’d probably still win more games than the actual team did this year.

The ENYA’s – What a halftime show this would be…

The Red-Striped Goats – Okay, sometimes the Internet Giveth, and sometimes it taketh away. This my friends, is a meal including goat meat… with a Red Stripe Beer to drink.

The Circus Stunt Dolphins – Wait, that logo is true to real life? Why would a dolphin jump through fire… why dolphin? No fish is worth that!

The Jets – Well, we’re going to have a couple dead giveaways. It’s not our fault that someone was an uncreative bastard when someone designed the team logo!

The Golden Swirly Thing – Talk about unoriginal. I suppose it looks like horns. Search Gold Swirly Thing… you get a golden swirly thing.

The Letter C’s with a Point? – Searching for this was Pointless… so was the “C” that I found.

The Wings – Yes, The Wings

The Circle G’s – I get that the G is for Green Bay, and a Packer perhaps wouldn’t make much sense on the side of the helmet. But in the case of the Circle G’s – you search, you find a ranch. Go Team!

The Black Cats – Unlucky this year in the playoffs, The Black Cat isn’t a bad mascot perhaps. Happy Halloween!

The Mel Gibson’s – Okay, this one makes me happy… the irony of it is brilliant.

The KC Arrowheads – On this one, the wife stated “This is stupid, just like football… I don’t want to do anymore.” She went to the kitchen, grabbed some wine. I praised her on how funny this would be, and how she was so cool. Now we’re back.

The Pirate Swordheads – I personally love this one. It’s so basic. So true. The picture we found on the internet however, is not so basic. Please comment if you have any idea who those dudes are. Go Sword Heads!

The Lightning Bolts – ‘Nuff said.

Angry Cardinals – She was close guys – almost had it. As for that picture… “GTFO other bird!”

Prancing Blue Cats – LOL!

The Hawks – Gotta admit that I thought she was kidding me. I was like, wait you don’t watch the NBA do you? And she was like… “What the heck is that? Other football?” The irony of this though… should be on a t-shirt.

The B-Birds – Quoteth the wife… “Why does that bird have a letter “B” on it’s head? Football is stupid.”

The Horny Boys – More “HAR HAR HAR”ing. She really thinks she’s funny now.

The Fleur De Lis’s – Gotta admit, I had no idea what that thing was. She did. Learn something new everyday. Go Fleur De Lis’s!!!

The SF’s – Wow, that’s what comes up when you search SF. Go interweb, go.

The That Kinda Looks Like What’s On Those Old Nickel’s – Why yes, yes it does.

The Pirate Flaggers – And on that, we’ve run out of original. She’s not even trying… and neither were the Buc’s this year. WAMMO!

On that note… are we done? 32 Teams. Yep, we’re done. Be sure to comment below on what you think the team’s names would be! Or what your silly significant other that doesn’t like sports would call them.

Go Team… Win the Match! Whatever your favorite football show is, I hope you enjoy the Supershow, and the commercials. We’ll be back next week to review the goodies, and the badies.

Thanks for reading!


Ten Pro Athletes That Look Nothing Like “Pro Athletes”

Ah… Pro Athletes. What we wouldn’t give to be one. All the money, all the fame, all the sweet sports cars and giant houses. All of the babes trying to grab our junk.

But, our moms say we have no talent. That and we don’t have the right “look.”

Neither do these guys mom, but they still made it!

#1 – Troy Polamalu


Don’t get us wrong. Troy is one hell of a football player. But, he doesn’t exactly put off that, “Hey, I’m a jock, where’s the weight room?” look that we would associate with a true Man’s Man Pro Athlete. He looks more like…


Cher. Yeah, that Cher hair just can’t be missed.


#2 – Yao Ming


Yao Ming is huge. He doesn’t even have to jump to dunk… or to touch the moon.  We would imagine they sent this guy to America so he’d stop scaring the kids in his home country. He’s Godzilla big. Ming is like a giraffe on stilts… wearing a big hat.


Sure, the above picture has things mixed up a little… the giraffe has no hat, and the lion is the one on stilts. But, you can’t deny the fact that it’s hilarious. And the direct result of searching “giraffe on stilts + hat.”

#3 – Steve Nash


We like this guy. He’s a great ball player, and he is in a funny commercial where he demands that there’s a full sized whole banana in each bottle of the flavored water. That doesn’t sway the fact that he looks like…


I know what you’re thinking… we just put another picture of Steve Nash here. But, you’re wrong. That’s James Blunt. And Steve Nash looks like him.


#4 – Randy Johnson


Odds are Randy Johnson is a really nice guy. We almost feel bad for even including him on this list. But that doesn’t change the fact that he looks more like a Huge Redneck than a Pro Athlete.


“No, I don’t want to play baseball today… I’m busy.”


#5 – Sam Cassell


Sam… why are you on this list?



Continue reading Ten Pro Athletes That Look Nothing Like “Pro Athletes”

9 Super Awesome Vacation Ideas That Will Probably Suck

Vacations are supposed to be awesome and fun. These… aren’t quite either of those things.


Odd Ball Vacation #1

Helicopter Bear Hunt in Alaska-Cost: $1000 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

The power man feels when he holds a gun in his hand is rivaled only by God. Man reigns supreme over this land and it’s beasts, and he’s here to prove it. By hunting.

And there just isn’t a much bigger, meaner, badass animal to hunt then a bear. Bear hunts take place all across Canada and the United States and if you’re looking to step into your man shoes for a week, saddle up with the people at Planet Charters. They specialize in putting the hunter into close proximity with some of the world’s largest animals. Sounds awesome right? Right up until you find out that 27 people were killed by bears since 2000. And that’s just the people killed. Many others are attacked, traumatized, and had their pic-a-nic baskets stolen.

Someone’s about to fuck your shit up.

Though interactions with bears are uncommon, you’re kinda setting yourself up to get your ass handed to you if you go out looking for them. So that’s why groups have set up hunts that take place from helicopters. Sorta of like something the A-Team would do. You and your guides take to the sky in a chopper, fly around until you spot a bear, and you shoot it. Sounds simple enough right?

Well remember that bear fatality statistic we gave you a minute ago? That ain’t got shit on helicopter fatalities. From 1997 to 2006 Helicopter Association International recorded 302 deaths from civilian helicopter accidents. Once again proving that helicopters are the most dangerous animal known to man. So, the alternative (walking around shooting bears) sounds pretty good.

Just make sure you bring a change of pants.


Odd Ball Vacation #2

Million Dollar Vacation in Abu Dhabi – Cost: $146,000 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

If you’re wealthy enough to be able to go on a vacation such as this, maybe you can stop being such an ass and share the wealth. If you’re not, and you’re reading this to be entertained, we’re sorry for the outburst.

The Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi is literally the most luxurious hotel on the entire planet. Built to provide the absolute finest in everything the world has to offer, your 4000 square foot room is adorned with gold, marble, crystal, and we can only assume the finest whores available in some kind of vending machine contraption. You’ll spend your time being waited on hand and foot by a 24 hour butler, being Chauffeured in a $400,000 Maybach Supercar, and flown in a private jet to shop for whatever it is rich people feel the need to buy.

“It’s smashing! I’ll take 3 just like it.”

And if being pampered isn’t enough to satiate the hunger in your seriously spoiled stomach; how about daily spa treatments, royal golf outings, deep sea fishing, and pearl diving. Of course you won’t actually do any of those things yourself, that’s what you pay people for! Other activities include making your own designer perfume, eating the finest foods the world has to offer, and of course the free guns from Holland & Holland.  Swimming in also a popular pastime at the only 7 Star Hotel on Earth. Swimming in money!

Clients include NATO, the Entire Middle Eastern International Film Festival, and many foreign dignitaries including President George W. Bush. You can read his thank you letter right here. It’s good to know America’s money is being well spent.


Odd Ball Vacation #3

Golf In Compton– Cost: $5 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

Tupac said it best when he rapped, “Pimps be on a mission for them greens.” Little did anyone know he was referring to the greens on the Compton Golf Course in sunny Los Angeles County. The course is a 9 Hole Par 3, and quite affordable for just $5. A great buy for anyone in the area looking for a quick pick up game. And it’s easy to see why. Although there are few hazards on the course, “little water and few trees” the course has it’s share obstacles to overcome. The New York State Gold Association says of the course; “If you like high caliber excitement, this is your place. Home to the Crips vs. Bloods, Ryder Cup Style.”

“You want me to grab yo nine iron fool?”

Located in the middle of Los Angeles, Compton boasts a murder rate of 8 times that of the National Average. On the Compton City Golf Course Website, rules of conduct are listed, as is this; “All players and visitors to the course do so at their own risk.” Wow, if that doesn’t get you excited about playing a round with the guys, I don’t know what would.

Continue reading 9 Super Awesome Vacation Ideas That Will Probably Suck

The 30 Most Bizarre Santas The Internet Has To Offer

There’s something entertaining about putting a random word into a search engine and seeing what the internet provides. It’s an entirely different story when you put in a word that should provide perfectly normal results, and you come up with things like the following. These are The 30 Most Bizarre Santas The Internet Has To Offer, enjoy!


#1. Santa Fights The Devil

It’s a known fact that in his war against the devil, Jesus recruits Saints to help in the battle. Santa, or Saint Nick was always found in the front lines. Here it looks like he caught Satan off guard during a performance of Hamlet.


#2. You’re Doing It Wrong Santa

This is either Santa’s evil twin brother Stan Claus, or he has never experienced Christmas before. The colors are red and white Stan!


#3. Santa the Deer Charmer

You might be thinking… “Hey what’s wrong with Santa playing a saxophone, that’s cool.” But, what’s really going on here is that Santa has studied the art of Snake Charming… sadly he’s substituted the usual snake, for Blitzen.


#4. Santa macks on some Ho Ho Hos.

About one out of every 10 Santa images on the internet brings either a Sexy Santa Chick or a pic of Santa with a Sexy Chick. This is our favorite. She didn’t even bother dressing up in holiday attire, she’s just a hoe.


#5. Santa Battles The Flash

Sure, we could assume that Flash made the Naughty List, and therefore Santa is only doing what is necessary. The bigger question is: Why are there three gun toting, short wearing Santas?


#6. Santa Visits The Baby Jesus

He was left out of most Bibles, but according to this, Santa was indeed at the manger along with the other wise men. He didn’t bring frankincense, gold, or myrrh. Santa brought what Jesus really wanted, a Nintendo Wii.


#7. Santa Twins

Honestly, we’ve got nothing on this one. Santa battling his evil twin Stan for a maraschino cherry? Anyone have any clue?


#8. Santa Arrested

It was bound to happen. Santa is finally arrested for Breaking and Entering.


#9. Santa On Vacation

Everyone deserves a break from their jobs. But isn’t there some kind of rule about men with bellies full of jelly keeping their shirts on at the beach?


#10. Santa Battle Halloween Man

The caption in the top right says it all… “The Battle That Had To Happen, Halloween vs. Christmas!” The battle for holiday supremacy is one thing, but why in the hell are there three Fetish Nuns!?!?!?


#11. Buttplug Santa Statue

Sure, you could make the excuse that Santa is simply holding a poorly made Christmas Tree in his hand. You could…


#12. Smoking Is Cool Santa

Before is advertising contract with Coke came into play, Santa had to do something to make ends meet.


#13. Santa The Ass Kicker

Halloween Man better watch his back, because this Santa means business.


#14. Shaka Santa

It’s all groovy in Santa’s neighborhood. We just wish the picture was taken a little farther out, it’d be awesome to know what the statue is to the right.


#15. Santa Riding A Reindeer Scooter

At Christmas, Santa uses the sleigh pulled by reindeer. The rest of the year, he rides this piece of crap.


#16. Santa Shits Candy

We’ll quote Family Guy’s version of the Crazy Mickey Rooney on this one… “Open up your stockings kids!”


#17. Santa Plays The Bongos

First, why would Santa ever need to play the bongos? Second… the “Try Me” sticker is a sad attempt at selling a ridiculous concept. “Try me… please?”


#18. Naked Santa

Nothing says boner like a naked chick. Nothing says limp dick like a naked Santa.


#19. The Night Jesus Met Santa Claus

We bet the illustrator of this book nearly lost it when he was given this task. “Um, yeah… we need you to draw Santa… on the floor of a house. With Jesus pointing at him. No, seriously.” We bet that CD is priceless too.


#20. The Night Christmas Was Ruined For Everyone

At one point, everyone’s dad probably dressed up as Santa in a ploy to woo us into believing in a little Christmas magic. This, would be like doing the exact opposite.


#21. Santa Moped Army

In America, we have the Hell’s Angels. In Japan, there’s Santa’s Moped Army.


#22. Washed Up Santa

You try living with a bunch of elves and see if it doesn’t lead you to drinking yourself stupid.


#23. Scary As Hell Santa

Someone please hold us.


#24. Eco-friendly Santa

Everyone has to do their part to save the planet.


#25. Santa Doom

The Fantastic Four thwarted Dr. Doom on hundreds of occasions. On this one, we bet they just let play out whatever retarded scheme he had thought up. You know, just for laughs.


#26. Cracked Out Of His Skull Santa

The insane thing about this one, is that someone actually thought this was a good example of what ol’ Saint Nick looked like.


#27. Dear Santa Claus…

Dear Santa Claus…. We’re sorry that we made this graphic, we were drunk and have no idea what we were thinking.


#28. Santa Speared By A Jet Plane

Oh, we bet the big wigs at the airline just thought they were hilarious when they thought this up. It probably was funny, right up until the first couple of kids arrived to board the plane.


#29. Live Phone Calls From Santa

Officially the worst Sex Chat Hotline in the world.


#30. Santa Riding A Rocket Ship

What really happened when Rudolph couldn’t guide his sleigh.


If you’ve seen or heard of a weird and bizarre Santa, tell us about it in the comments section!