What If My Wife Named The NFL Teams – Based Only On Their Helmet Logos

First of all – WE’RE BACK! After a nearly 4 year vacation – the Gremlindog Staff is finally back to work.

Secondly, the biggest game in Football is happening this weekend, and the crew is ready for the Big Game. However, my wife couldn’t give less of a shit. So when I told her I was going to watch the Seahawks and the Broncos on Sunday… she had literally no clue as to what I was referencing.

Football, I said, I’m going to watch Football.

“Oh, what teams?”

Denver and Seattle.

“What?”

I grabbed my computer…

This team, The Seattle Seahawks, are playing The Denver Broncos.

“They should call them the Yawning Horses, that looks like a horse that is yawning.”

Face into hand.

“What the heck is a ‘Seahawk’ anyway? Seagull maybe! HAR HAR HAR!”

Anyone who knows my wife knows this laugh. Anyone who doesn’t can just imagine the goofiest laugh ever. And there you go.

So, that brings us to the topic of this post. What If My Wife Named The NFL Teams – Based Only On Their Helmet Logos! And then to make this a little more fun, and a little more visually appealing – what if we search the name on Google, that she came up with and post the first picture? YAY!

I think we should start with the obvious. This Sunday, it’s the Football Supershow, and playing in this game of all games is none other than…

The Seagulls – Nothing strikes fear into the enemy like a bird that looks cross at the fact someone took his picture.

And in the Big Game, they’ll be playing…

The Yawning Horses – GO TEAM!

Should be a good game!

And here we go with the rest of the amazing Football Show Teams!

The Blue Starfish – Obvious, and cute.

The Flaming T-Stars – Hahahahahaha, wtf?

The Orange with Stripes – Fair Enough, not really funny, but fair enough.

The Orange with No Stripes – Oh yeah.

The Primary Color Thieves – Ha, this movie. Of course, I’m not going to lie – I would still love to have that metal horse that one kid rode around on.

The Star Eyed Cows – I Love You Internet.

The Lucky Horseshoes – I really hoped we would get a picture of Andrew Luck, but, luck ironically enough, was not on our side.

The Blue-Tongued Cats – In all fairness, that cat could have any number of colors on his tongue… and he’d probably still win more games than the actual team did this year.

The ENYA’s – What a halftime show this would be…

The Red-Striped Goats – Okay, sometimes the Internet Giveth, and sometimes it taketh away. This my friends, is a meal including goat meat… with a Red Stripe Beer to drink.

The Circus Stunt Dolphins – Wait, that logo is true to real life? Why would a dolphin jump through fire… why dolphin? No fish is worth that!

The Jets – Well, we’re going to have a couple dead giveaways. It’s not our fault that someone was an uncreative bastard when someone designed the team logo!

The Golden Swirly Thing - Talk about unoriginal. I suppose it looks like horns. Search Gold Swirly Thing… you get a golden swirly thing.

The Letter C’s with a Point? – Searching for this was Pointless… so was the “C” that I found.

The Wings – Yes, The Wings

The Circle G’s – I get that the G is for Green Bay, and a Packer perhaps wouldn’t make much sense on the side of the helmet. But in the case of the Circle G’s – you search, you find a ranch. Go Team!

The Black Cats – Unlucky this year in the playoffs, The Black Cat isn’t a bad mascot perhaps. Happy Halloween!

The Mel Gibson’s – Okay, this one makes me happy… the irony of it is brilliant.

The KC Arrowheads – On this one, the wife stated “This is stupid, just like football… I don’t want to do anymore.” She went to the kitchen, grabbed some wine. I praised her on how funny this would be, and how she was so cool. Now we’re back.

The Pirate Swordheads – I personally love this one. It’s so basic. So true. The picture we found on the internet however, is not so basic. Please comment if you have any idea who those dudes are. Go Sword Heads!

The Lightning Bolts – ‘Nuff said.

Angry Cardinals – She was close guys – almost had it. As for that picture… “GTFO other bird!”

Prancing Blue Cats – LOL!

The Hawks – Gotta admit that I thought she was kidding me. I was like, wait you don’t watch the NBA do you? And she was like… “What the heck is that? Other football?” The irony of this though… should be on a t-shirt.

The B-Birds – Quoteth the wife… “Why does that bird have a letter “B” on it’s head? Football is stupid.”

The Horny Boys – More “HAR HAR HAR”ing. She really thinks she’s funny now.

The Fleur De Lis’s – Gotta admit, I had no idea what that thing was. She did. Learn something new everyday. Go Fleur De Lis’s!!!

The SF’s – Wow, that’s what comes up when you search SF. Go interweb, go.

The That Kinda Looks Like What’s On Those Old Nickel’s – Why yes, yes it does.

The Pirate Flaggers – And on that, we’ve run out of original. She’s not even trying… and neither were the Buc’s this year. WAMMO!

On that note… are we done? 32 Teams. Yep, we’re done. Be sure to comment below on what you think the team’s names would be! Or what your silly significant other that doesn’t like sports would call them.

Go Team… Win the Match! Whatever your favorite football show is, I hope you enjoy the Supershow, and the commercials. We’ll be back next week to review the goodies, and the badies.

Thanks for reading!

 

15 Awkward Celebrity Encounters

Oh man! It’s so exciting to meet a celebrity! But, oh how awkward the photos of a meeting with a celebrity can be. Below, you’ll see The 15 Most Awkward Celebrity Encounters we could find. Some even feature celebrities meeting other celebrities. Enjoy!

Hulk Hogan meets James Blunt
This has to go down as the most hilarious thing ever caught on camera. I can just hear the conversation. “Yo brother, it’s nice to meet you. Sure, go ahead and grab my arm, you seem like a nice enough lady.”

hogan-james-blunt

Ray Romano meets a girl who’s a huge fan of cats
Everybody Loves Raymond. Except for this girl, she prefers cats.

Ray Romano with Victoria by Macblanc.

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The Top 10 Steps To The “Perfect” Band Photo

So, you’ve started a band. Well, it’s all fine and dandy if you’re able to sing and play your instruments. What’s important… what will make you a star… what will sell your albums… what will get you ladies… is the perfect band photo.

Your photo is what record labels will see to get a first impression. Your photo will be in magazines where you shout to the world your greatness. And most importantly, your photo is going to grace the cover of your debut cd. You can’t screw around, you’ve got to get it perfect.

So, we are here to help. To give you and your band mates the knowledge and the know how so you can achieve greatness… through photography.

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Step #1 – Make sure everyone in the band is in the shot.

Band 4

Yep, even that one guy that doesn’t look like he belongs. Sure, he probably plays the fiddle or the fucking flute or something… but he’s in the band. And he’ll bitch if you don’t put him in the photo. Save yourself the trouble, and just put him in, but for goodness sake, put him in the back. Which, leads us to our next step.

Step #2 – Make sure that people are staggered.

View Image

Sure, you’re all an important part of the band. But, damn it if that one guy in the band doesn’t ever dress cool enough. Put him at the back. And while you’re at it, remind him afterwards that he’s in a band, not working at the library. He’ll work harder on looking better on the next photo. Continue reading

Ten Pro Athletes That Look Nothing Like “Pro Athletes”

Ah… Pro Athletes. What we wouldn’t give to be one. All the money, all the fame, all the sweet sports cars and giant houses. All of the babes trying to grab our junk.

But, our moms say we have no talent. That and we don’t have the right “look.”

Neither do these guys mom, but they still made it!
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#1 – Troy Polamalu

troy-polamalu

Don’t get us wrong. Troy is one hell of a football player. But, he doesn’t exactly put off that, “Hey, I’m a jock, where’s the weight room?” look that we would associate with a true Man’s Man Pro Athlete. He looks more like…

cher

Cher. Yeah, that Cher hair just can’t be missed.

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#2 – Yao Ming

yao-ming

Yao Ming is huge. He doesn’t even have to jump to dunk… or to touch the moon.  We would imagine they sent this guy to America so he’d stop scaring the kids in his home country. He’s Godzilla big. Ming is like a giraffe on stilts… wearing a big hat.

giraffe

Sure, the above picture has things mixed up a little… the giraffe has no hat, and the lion is the one on stilts. But, you can’t deny the fact that it’s hilarious. And the direct result of searching “giraffe on stilts + hat.”

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#3 – Steve Nash

steve-nash

We like this guy. He’s a great ball player, and he is in a funny commercial where he demands that there’s a full sized whole banana in each bottle of the flavored water. That doesn’t sway the fact that he looks like…

james-blunt

I know what you’re thinking… we just put another picture of Steve Nash here. But, you’re wrong. That’s James Blunt. And Steve Nash looks like him.

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#4 – Randy Johnson

JOHNSON RANDY

Odds are Randy Johnson is a really nice guy. We almost feel bad for even including him on this list. But that doesn’t change the fact that he looks more like a Huge Redneck than a Pro Athlete.

redneck

“No, I don’t want to play baseball today… I’m busy.”

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#5 – Sam Cassell

sam-cassell

Sam… why are you on this list?

et

Oh.

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The World’s Most Oddball Museums

These places might not be perfect for your family vacation.

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Odd Ball Museum #1

Tour L. Ron Hubbards House in Arizona - Cost: Free

As if you hadn’t heard enough of the insanity that is Scientology from Tom Cruise and the gang, now you can visit the home of the founder of the evil brainwashing cult religion. It’s sort of like a trip to Bethlehem to see the manger that Jesus was born in, only it’s a home built in the 1940′s and… um… that’s it. Nothing magical, no picture opportunities, no awesome collectible spoons or magnets. It’s just a house, probably like your own grandparents home.

The house is located at Camelback in Phoenix, Arizona. And that’s where the interesting facts pretty much taper off to nothing. What can you do at L. Ron Hubbard’s House the birthplace of Scientology? How about a tour of his living room where he met with students and demonstrated the newly developed E-Meter. Cruise on by his bedroom where his desk holds pens, notes, and even Hubbard’s actual dictaphone. And no, we didn’t make up the word “dictaphone”, and yes we know it sounds like a penis that works as a phone.


The Dickphone, by Acme!

A visit to Camelback will walk every  Scientologist through the footsteps of the man who “forged the path to spiritual freedom” right to the bathroom where Hubbard took his shits.

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Odd Ball Museum #2

Toilet Seat Art Museum, Arlington Texas – Cost: A Phone Call To Set Appointment

Everyone certainly enjoys a good toilet seat. We’re big fans of those cushioned ones like they have at our Grandma’s place. It’s like sitting on the couch while doing our business and if you take a beer and a good book in there with you, there’s no reason to leave.

But, as much as we like toilet seats, we don’t have shit on Barney Smith. He runs a Toilet Seat Art Museum out of his home in Texas, full of his self created Toilet Seat Art. Smith has been designing, carving, painting (and assorted other art words) toilet seats for around 40 years. We can only guess at what inspired Mr. Smith to take up toilet seat art, but basic theory around here seems to point in the direction of “lights off and forgetting to put the seat up.” You’ll find around 645 different seats in Barney Smith’s museum, decorated with everything from state license plates to a genuine marijuana leaf to a group of dead hornets. Smith said “One of them stung me on my head, and I just said, I’ll put you on my toilet seat”. Perhaps it would be best not to cross this gentleman unless you want end up mounted on a toilet seat and the subject of a horror film.

Barney is 81years old and started the museum up while working as a plumber stating that he “was comfortable with the medium.” Comfortable, like the cushioned seats at Grandma’s!

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9 Super Awesome Vacation Ideas That Will Probably Suck

Vacations are supposed to be awesome and fun. These… aren’t quite either of those things.

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Odd Ball Vacation #1

Helicopter Bear Hunt in Alaska-Cost: $1000 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

The power man feels when he holds a gun in his hand is rivaled only by God. Man reigns supreme over this land and it’s beasts, and he’s here to prove it. By hunting.

And there just isn’t a much bigger, meaner, badass animal to hunt then a bear. Bear hunts take place all across Canada and the United States and if you’re looking to step into your man shoes for a week, saddle up with the people at Planet Charters. They specialize in putting the hunter into close proximity with some of the world’s largest animals. Sounds awesome right? Right up until you find out that 27 people were killed by bears since 2000. And that’s just the people killed. Many others are attacked, traumatized, and had their pic-a-nic baskets stolen.


Someone’s about to fuck your shit up.

Though interactions with bears are uncommon, you’re kinda setting yourself up to get your ass handed to you if you go out looking for them. So that’s why groups have set up hunts that take place from helicopters. Sorta of like something the A-Team would do. You and your guides take to the sky in a chopper, fly around until you spot a bear, and you shoot it. Sounds simple enough right?

Well remember that bear fatality statistic we gave you a minute ago? That ain’t got shit on helicopter fatalities. From 1997 to 2006 Helicopter Association International recorded 302 deaths from civilian helicopter accidents. Once again proving that helicopters are the most dangerous animal known to man. So, the alternative (walking around shooting bears) sounds pretty good.

Just make sure you bring a change of pants.

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Odd Ball Vacation #2

Million Dollar Vacation in Abu Dhabi – Cost: $146,000 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

If you’re wealthy enough to be able to go on a vacation such as this, maybe you can stop being such an ass and share the wealth. If you’re not, and you’re reading this to be entertained, we’re sorry for the outburst.

The Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi is literally the most luxurious hotel on the entire planet. Built to provide the absolute finest in everything the world has to offer, your 4000 square foot room is adorned with gold, marble, crystal, and we can only assume the finest whores available in some kind of vending machine contraption. You’ll spend your time being waited on hand and foot by a 24 hour butler, being Chauffeured in a $400,000 Maybach Supercar, and flown in a private jet to shop for whatever it is rich people feel the need to buy.


“It’s smashing! I’ll take 3 just like it.”

And if being pampered isn’t enough to satiate the hunger in your seriously spoiled stomach; how about daily spa treatments, royal golf outings, deep sea fishing, and pearl diving. Of course you won’t actually do any of those things yourself, that’s what you pay people for! Other activities include making your own designer perfume, eating the finest foods the world has to offer, and of course the free guns from Holland & Holland.  Swimming in also a popular pastime at the only 7 Star Hotel on Earth. Swimming in money!

Clients include NATO, the Entire Middle Eastern International Film Festival, and many foreign dignitaries including President George W. Bush. You can read his thank you letter right here. It’s good to know America’s money is being well spent.

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Odd Ball Vacation #3

Golf In Compton- Cost: $5 Per Day

Why It’s Probably Going To Suck

Tupac said it best when he rapped, “Pimps be on a mission for them greens.” Little did anyone know he was referring to the greens on the Compton Golf Course in sunny Los Angeles County. The course is a 9 Hole Par 3, and quite affordable for just $5. A great buy for anyone in the area looking for a quick pick up game. And it’s easy to see why. Although there are few hazards on the course, “little water and few trees” the course has it’s share obstacles to overcome. The New York State Gold Association says of the course; “If you like high caliber excitement, this is your place. Home to the Crips vs. Bloods, Ryder Cup Style.”


“You want me to grab yo nine iron fool?”

Located in the middle of Los Angeles, Compton boasts a murder rate of 8 times that of the National Average. On the Compton City Golf Course Website, rules of conduct are listed, as is this; “All players and visitors to the course do so at their own risk.” Wow, if that doesn’t get you excited about playing a round with the guys, I don’t know what would.

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