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Every so often, I stop and think about just how lucky I really am. Like really just stop everything I’m doing and think. Sometimes it happens while I’m driving, and I swerve into oncoming traffic. But, other times such as last night, I was moved, not in the physical sense, this time it was emotional. I was thinking about how lucky I am to have such great friends. Mostly due to being excited about my buddy’s wedding, and getting to see all my friends this upcoming weekend, while I was shopping for his wedding gift.

Something for Him

Something for Her

And I realized, dude, I love these guys. Not in the sense that it’s weird. But in the sense that I would definitely consider having their names tatooed somewhere on my body. Nah, I’m kidding.

Actually, I would… I would totally do that.

Seriously how special is this thing we call Guy Love? It’s special. And it’s magical. It’s like a Fuckin’ Special Ed Unicorn it’s so special and magical.

But, how do you know if there’s a couple of fellas living it up in a Bromance? I’ll show you.

Let’s take a look at the Top 5 Signs of Guy Love.

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#1. They Give One Arm Hugs

Few guys even like to touch each other, let alone hug. But there’s a select few, that share Guy Love, that don’t mind one little bit.

Don’t let your tummies touch boys, and it’s totally hetero. Heck you can even have your shirt off and it’s still not even the slightest bit odd. Nothing feels quite as good as your buddy’s sweaty, hairy arm pit pressed up against your neck.

#2. They High Five Each Other

This is a sure sign that one guy is sweet on another guy. He’s always throwing up High Fives. Why? Have you ever seen a picture of 2 guys giving each other a High Five? Look, I’ll share one.

Every single High Five ever given is EPIC. It becomes a thing of legend. The sound heard round the world? It was a High Five between two best buds. And what guy doesn’t want to be remembered for something amazing. Take my own wedding for example. No one remembers the colors of the flowers or the taste of the cake. However, I guarantee they remember that High Five.

#3. They Like Being Naked Together

It might be in a pool, on a trampoline, but never in a bed; sometimes guys just get naked together.

A slap in the face to everyone around them maybe. Guys just want to show how much they care. And that is measured by how naked they are. Note the level of love in the picture above is off the charts.

#4. They Buy Stuff For Each Other

No, I’m not talking about dinner, or clothes. Well, sometimes clothes. But, only if it’s like a really cool pair of pants that you just know your bud would look great in. However, usually it’s things that your bro wouldn’t get from his family or girlfriend/wife. That’s when you have to step in and set your bud up.

I got one for both of us, cause we’re both so super!

Action figures, video games, pokemon cards. If it’ll make your friend smile, you’re gonna buy it. Cause you love him.

#5. They Hang Out… All The Time

Guys love being with other guys they love. Why do you think we play sports? To impress women, for exercise, or to entertain someone? No… it’s because we get to hang out with a bunch of the guys.

And oh man, watch out when guys get together to play video games. It’s like a dude orgy. Oftentimes, you might find all the above roped together on video game night. Naked guys hugging, throwing up high fives, because their bud bought them the new Smackdown Game for them to play. Hanging out is to guys as having vaginas is to women.

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Don’t try to understand it ladies. It’s just guy love. And you know what. It’s okay.

Oh Happy Day!

I got to go to the Dollar Store the other day!

And nothing makes me more happy!

Than getting things that are so crappy!

I love getting stuff. Especially stuff that I don’t really need. I suppose that it makes me feel like one of those rich people that buys planes, cars, and pools even though they already own planes, cars, and pools. I like getting things I don’t need, and adding them to a collection of other stuff I don’t have any reason to own. Then I can be like: “Hey, look at all this stuff I have that I don’t need.” And secretly I think to myself. “Yeah, they’re impressed. They don’t have this kind of stuff.” And the best place for me to fulfill my desire for stuff I don’t need, is the Dollar Store.

The Dollar Store is the only place I can go in with nothing in my pocket, and still come out with something spectacular. And recently, I did just that.

The treasures I brought out of that store would make a pirate weep. I was the owner of the coolest of the coolest of things. The first thing I found however, worried me.

The “Fun Bubbles” Play Set. Seemingly harmless of course. What harm could come from bubbles. Bubbles are fun, and good wholesome entertainment for the entire family. This toy shouldn’t really be a big issue. But oh, then I looked a little closer.

Look at this kid. He’s not actually enjoying bubbles. He’s enjoying his first BONG! I couldn’t believe it. Ages 4+ it says. It might as well say, “Good for everyone who wants to dabble in the illegal substances available on the streets.” This poor child didn’t know what was he was getting into. Check out that smile. The innocence.

I can only imagine this child’s future after playing with the “toy”.

ARE YOU READY KIDS?! OOOOOOooooooohhhhhh!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
Wasted, and Baked, and Red-eyed is he!

Let’s move on.

The Magic Growing Beast.

“You may not become a beast trainer, but you can grow one!”

OMG! LOL. Just add water it says. And I can become a grower of beasts. Or beast trainers. I guess it’s all in how you read it.

It looks harmless enough sure. And of course the package tells me up front that I’m not going to become a Beast Trainer. So I have nothing to fear.

This will not be me

“Fill with clean water…” Then what? I didn’t know. The words just kinda trail off there. White letters over a partially white backdrop? Sounds grand, print it!

The package did nothing else to guide me. So, of course. I put the item in my mouth.

But, of course the package came with a warning. And of course, it’s a warning that most kids, and twenty-somethings would not give any credit too, or even notice until it was too late.

“Do not swallow.”

DO NOT SWALLOW?!?! What kid would even consider such a thing!?!? It’s not like this was a package of Pringles. I tell you this with the upmost of authority. This warning should be on the front of the package, not on the back.

After an hour or so, I was able to make it back to my prizes.

The next item I found at the Dollar Store was something that should not even be in my possession. Or anyone’s possession for that matter. It should still be in it’s glass cage.

We’ve all seen them, the 25 cent machines, offering prizes galore. Prizes worth much more than the price it takes to play. And of course you never get anything close to the value of the items advertised.

But, they look so damn appealing. “I can be a winner for just 25 cents!”

I wasn’t a winner.

Domes of Joy these were not. The quarter machine claimed it held “Sweet Prizes”. What I got was from from Sweet, and certainly no prize. I got two plastic girls from the movie “Grease”.

Just look at them. Pieces of crap worth less than the 25 cents I paid for ‘em. However, I do like the effort they went to, giving them personality. The girl on the left… Betty, has a leather jacket and is a bad to the bone biker chick. Stacey is her polar opposite, she chews gum, blows bubbles, and wears pink. I especially like the way Stacey tilts a little to the side. Almost as if Betty has spiked her milkshake with liquor in a cruel joke to impress her friends down at the Shake Shop. But, I suppose there’s worse things I could buy…

But this friends, was not one of those things. “A Surprise For A Boy” offered the chance to redeem this trip and the $5 I had spent at the Dollar Store. I’m not gonna lie and say that I wasn’t completely thrilled to open this package. It could’ve contained nothing more than a note saying “Surprise” and I would’ve been just as happy with the results. But, A Surprise For A Boy did not let me down.

I’m a boy, and this was a surprise. And in my mind, it was Christmas in July.

That face should say it all. This dollar was well spent.

No, I’m not about to poop on myself. I am making the face that anyone would make after finding out that they had just unearthed a Giant Plastic Grasshopper…

…and Giant Plastic Bat.

And of course. I did what anyone in their right mind would do.

But, the Grasshopper and Bat were not all I found inside this Prize of Prizes.

I had also become the proud owner of an official USGI Action Set.

Face of a proud owner

The USGI Action Set, easily the Creme de la Creme of playsets offered up not one, but 6 Action Figures. These guys were replicas of soldiers fighting for our freedom against… something. And thank goodness they were fighting.

Otherwise, plastic women from the movie “Grease” and Giant Grasshoppers would be killing us all. Or humping us. I’m not sure which.

Could I have spent my 5 dollars elsewhere and been been better served? I’ll leave that decision up to you. But I know this, I’m 5 dollars poorer.

That’s it, no words of wisdom. I’m 5 dollars poorer.