Jason – Page 7 – GremlinDog.com

The Goonies… Where Are They Now?

The Goonies is one of my, and I bet your, favorite movies of all time. It’s just got everything you could possible ask for in a movie. Action, suspense, mystery, comedy, a great cast, a fun plot, and Sloth.

So what’s up with The Goonies crew? Where are they now? What are they doing? Are they even alive?

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Mikey – Sean Astin

Mikey is the hero of the movie who’s out to save his neighborhood, The Goon Docks, from demolition. His goal, to find the lost treasure of the pirate One Eyed Willy. He overcomes his problems with asthma and dyslexia by being a genuinely positive and enthusiastic attitude. Mikey is played by Sean Astin. Astin went on to star in the movie Rudy, and most importantly the role of Samwise Gamgee in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. A role that would springboard him into stardom, directing opportunities, and guest starring roles. He is married and has 3 children.

Chunk – Jeff Cohen

Chunk and the truffle shuffle are probably the most memorable parts of The Goonies with the exception of Sloth. Chunk is the comic relief of the Goonies group, with that humor normally revolving around food. But in the end saves everyone from disaster by teaming up with Sloth to put a stop to the Fratellis. Chunk was played by Jeff Cohen, who has since gone on to graduate from UCLA where he studied law. Cohen now co-owns a law firm in Beverly Hills, California where he practice entertainment law.

Mouth – Cory Feldman

Mouth is the smartass obnoxious best friend of Mikey and from the start of the movie you can easily see how he got his name. He may seem to be more of a hinderance to the Goonies cause, but proves reliable at talking his way out of problems and his fluency in Spanish also plays a key role. Mouth shares a mutual crush on Stef. Cory Feldman played the part of Mouth and a virtual slew of other films in the 80’s and 90’s. Most notably The Lost Boys, Stand By Me, and two movies in the Friday the 13th series. Feldman has battled drugs and poor choices over the years. Most recently making appearances on The Surreal Life and Two Coreys with fellow child star Corey Haim.

Data – Jonathan Ke Quan

The 4th core member of the Goonies group is Data. The brains of the operation, Data is seen throughout the film using a variety of gadgets he invented modeled after his idol James Bond. Though the inventions seem a little silly and useless at first, Data goes on to save the lives of the entire group on more than one occasion. Jonathan Ke Quan started his film career along side Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and has also starred in a couple of TV shows including Head of the Class in the 90’s. Quan is now a stunt coordinator and worked on the X-Men movie.

Brand – Josh Brolin

Brand is Mikey’s older brother and at the beginning against his quest to find the gold. But, pairing his concern for his brother and the crush that he has on fellow Goonie Andy, he eventually does all he can to help. Josh Brolin had his career kickstarted with his role on The Goonies and has gone on to a successful career in acting including No Country For Old Men, American Gangster, and most recently W. He is married and has two kids.

Andy – Kerri Green

Andy is not a Goonie at the start of the movie, in fact she’s pretty much the opposite. An attractive cheerleader from the better side of town she begins the movie dating a football star that antagonizes the group before she starts up her relationship with Brand. Andy eventually solves One Eyed Willy’s most complicated puzzle with her limited knowledge of piano playing. Kerri Green played the role of Andy, and later gained critical acclaim in the movie Lucas. Since then Green has started a film production company called Independent Women Artists.

Stef – Martha Plimpton

Stef is Andy’s best friend and stands by her throughout the movie. Stef is also the opposition to the smart-alec attitude of Mouth and often butts heads with him. This later leads to flirtation. The role of Stef was portrayed by Martha Plimpton who originally gained notice as a model. She has been featured in films throughout her career including The Mosquito Coast and I Shot Andy Warhol, but has made more of an impact in television and theater. She is currently a member of The Steppenwolf Theatre Company Ensemble.

Sloth – John Matuszak

Sloth is the deformed and extra large sibling of the Fratellis, the group the Goonies are challenged by for One Eyed Willy’s gold. Sloth was dropped as a child on more than one occasion by his mother which is what caused his ugly appearance. After being tormented by his family, he befriends Chunk and helps save the day at the end. The character of Sloth was played by John Matuszak, started out his career as a Pro Football player and was a part of two Raiders Superbowl Championship teams. Matuszak would eventually be featured in several other movies and television programs including M*A*S*H, The Dukes of Hazzard, and The A-Team. He died in 1989 at the age of 38 from heart failure, possibly has a result of steroid use.

Mama Fratelli – Anne Ramsey

Mama Fratelli is the elderly and domineering matriarch of the Fratelli clan. Her sons Jake, Francis, and Sloth are the “bad guys” in The Goonies. Looking to get rich quick, Ma Fratelli hounds the kids after they stumble upon her hideout. Anne Ramsey, who was 56 when The Goonies was filmed won a Saturn Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role. She also starred in the film, Throw Momma From the Train which earned her an Oscar Nomination. She died in 1988 of throat cancer.

Jake Fratelli – Robert Davi

Jake Fratelli is the opera singing Fratelli brother who torments the Goonies and his brother Sloth. The part was played by Robert Davi who has gone on to a limited movie career including Diehard and Predator 2. But his most recognizable role was as a lead role in the sitcom The Profiler and later was a part of Stargate Atlantis. He was presented with the LIFETIME Achievement Award by the Italian Board of Directors in New York for his involvement in community. He is married and has 6 children.

Francis Fratelli – Joe Pantoliano

The brains of the Fratelli clan, Francis is often at odds with his brother. Joe Pantoliono played the role of Francis and has since succeeded in having a very successful career in film and television. He’s been featured in The Fugitive, Bad Boys, The Matrix, and Daredevil. He won an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor for his part in The Sopranos. He is married and has four children.

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This article originally started out as a humorous look back at one of my favorite movies of all time. But, I think the movie speaks for itself. I hope you enjoyed finding out about what’s up with the cast of the Goonies as much as I did.

Top 10 Ways To Discipline A Pet… Based On Human Parenting

Having a pet is a wonderful experience. I myself own two and I love them dearly. But let’s be honest. Pets can be assholes. But they’re just that, pets and they should be kept in check.

I learned a lot from my parents, and though I don’t have children of my own, how to discipline a child is something that’s familiar to me. That same knowledge can certainly be applied to disciplining your dog.

So join me if you will as we count down the…

Top 10 Ways To Discipline A Pet… Based On Human Parenting.

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1. Timeout

If there is one form of discipline I hated more as a kid, I don’t know what it was. Being forced to sit still for any length of time was a thing of nightmares. And forget about entertainment, time outs were designed to make you suffer. If you use this to your advantage when reprimanding your dog, you’ll soon be jumping for joy at the good manners he’ll be showing. Why? Because sitting still for even 3 seconds for a dog that isn’t sleeping is next to impossible.

2. Chores

Ah, doing chores… my Mother’s favorite form of punishment for me. Why? Because I had to do something that sucked, and she got out of doing something that sucked. Vacuuming the house and doing the dishes were two popular activities my mother made me perform. You might have trouble getting your dog to go anywhere near the vacuum, and you certainly don’t want all that hair in the sink. I suggest simpler chores like fetching the paper, taking out the garbage, and taking themselves for a walk.

3. Stern Lectures

My dad was the king of stern lectures. Why? Because life was a bitch back in his day and I didn’t know just how good I had it. Well, neither does your dog. Let him know all about it! Tell him about how your boss is a jerk, and how bad your feet hurt. Mock how he sleeps all day while you sit at a desk and crunch numbers or how you sweat all day lifting heavy stuff. He doesn’t know of lucky he is, but he will after this!

4. Obedience School

Perhaps a last straw for some parents; boarding school or military academies will certainly straighten out a problem child quick, fast, and in a hurry. The same will certainly work if you send your dog off to obedience school. He’ll be away from all of his friends, have to eat terrible cafeteria food, and won’t have access to his favorite toys. He’ll come back with a diploma, new attitude, and his tail between his legs. And you’ll have the little angel you’ve always wanted, one that won’t piss on the carpet everyday.

5. Give Them A Bath

As a kid it was our eternal goal to: 1.) Have as much fun as possible & 2.) Get as dirty as we could while we did it. Our parents on the other hand saw fit to constantly have us clean and gave us bathes once and sometimes even twice a day. To a dog, a bath is like kryptonite, and you’re gonna be his Lex Luthor. Fill up the tub, throw in some bubbles, grab some towels and get ready for some work. Because though it won’t be fun for you, it’ll be even less fun for him.

6. Degrading Talk

“You can’t do that.” “You’re lazy.” “You’re friends are stupid.” Leave it up to parents to say things to us that we hold onto our entire lives. Dads especially have skill that is unsurpassed at making us feel like dipshits. Well, the world has come full circle, and now your child is sitting there on the couch with half of your sandwich left on the plate. It’s okay, call him a fat ass good-for-nothing. He ate your sandwich, and he deserves it. All he does is lay around all day anyway. Fatty fat fat.

7. Force Them to Watch TV With You

Good Lord I hated watching TV with my parents. It wasn’t that they were bad people, it’s just that they had the worst taste in entertainment ever. If it wasn’t the news, it was something in black and white, or a western. Guess who else won’t like it, your pet. Pick out something especially boring for added effect. Some dogs actually enjoy Animal Planet and Disney, at least mine do. Try out something along the lines of any show on The Home Shopping Network, he’ll be begging for your forgiveness in no time flat.

8. Make Them Wear Silly Outfits

Oh man, if only I had pics I could post of some of the stuff my mom made me wear when I was a kid. Let me help you get the picture, imagine the nerdiest kid ever. Multiply that kid by the geekiest kid ever. Now, add to that a big dose of wacky colors and turtlenecks and you have me as a kid. If your pet has been acting up, there’s few better ways to take him down a peg or two than by dressing him up in a stupid outfit. Hey, Halloween is right around the corner, so if anyone asks at least you have an excuse.

9. Embarrass Them In Front of Their Friends

This tried and true method might take place at school, home, or at a sporting event. For me, more often than not this took place at home, while playing a sport, with friends from school. So, I had the trifecta thrown down on my head. Generally it took the form of my dad playing sports with me and my buds, and since he was bigger and meaner than all of us, he made me look like that PC guy from the Macintosh commercials playing against Shaquille O’Neal. Apply this same aggression to embarrass your pet infront of other pets by calling him a cat or something. This is especially easy if you own a dachshund.

10. Make Him Play With Someone He Doesn’t Like

My mom is an angel, she really is. But, like all angels, she has a soft spot for the oddball kids in this world. You know the type. The one who picked his nose and ate it while he played with his sister’s easy bake oven. Well, my mom, being the angel that she was, never wanted that kid to play alone. So, she set up playdates for me to go over to his house or vice versa. Goodtimes were had by nobody. If your pet is being especially stupid, maybe he should go play with the neighbor’s dog that’s always licking it’s balls. Or a goat. He’ll wise up, and get his shit together.

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Let me reaffirm that I love dogs. I’ve always had at least one that I lived with. That’s why I know this information is invaluable. I believe creative discipline is the way to a well behaved child or pet. So, take this advice, have fun, and congratulations on the new attitude your pet has.

No pets were harmed in the making of this guide, they were just made to look like silly gooses.

15 Pop Culture Halloween Costumes That’ll Make You Look Stupid

You know guys have it pretty damn rough when it comes to Halloween. We have about 3 options for costumes.

#1 Something Scary

#2 Something Funny

#3 Something Cool from Pop Culture

The first option is pretty self explanatory; ghosts, zombies, monsters. The second option is also easy to get, take a joke and run with it; black eyed pea, pimp, or fat stripper. But the third option is where we run into some snags.

As a kid, Halloween was our opportunity to be something we couldn’t be in real life, if only for one night. And you know what, we ran with it. If we wanted to be He-Man, we were He-Man. But, as adults, the expectations change. It didn’t matter as kids, because no one had a good memory, and we were all focused on the candy anyway. But, as adults, our cred is on the line, and if you wear the wrong Halloween costume, you’re done for. Forget dating, forget that cool new job, forget friends!

Below, The 15 Most Pathetic Excuses For Pop Culture Halloween Costumes. Long story short, don’t try any of these!

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1.) Optimus Prime – Huge movie and even bigger cartoon series. Optimus Prime and the other Transformers were more than meets the eye, not you though, you’re obviously gonna be a dipshit in this.

2.) Batman – It’s going to be one of the hottest outfits this Halloween, like it has been for 20 years or so…and it will still suck. You might make the excuse that you’re classic Batman; no one will buy it.

3.) The Joker – Our prediction is that 2 out of every 5 people this Halloween will attempt to be The Joker…key word, attempt. Unless you’re paying someone to do your make up, you’re just a clown.

4.) Capt. Jack Sparrow – This isn’t just a pirate outfit, it’s the official Jack Sparrow pirate outfit. Unless you are Johnny Depp, just stick with plain ol’ pirate.

5.) Hulk – Now we finally know the reason the Hulk is so pissed off, he has the worst Halloween costume on the planet. And flesh colored hands and feet.

6.) Spider-man – We love the movies, we love the comics, but you couldn’t pay us enough to wear this outfit out of the house. Looks more like pajamas.

7.) Darth Vader – The outfit as a whole really isn’t that bad, but there’s two big problems. First Darth had gloves, and second he didn’t ever wear casual slacks and wingtips.

8.) King Leonidas – If you don’t have the muscles, please don’t try and be a Spartan for Halloween, fake ones don’t count. It doesn’t matter how “real” it looks.

9.) Aragorn – Oh, that’s a really awesome Frodo Baggins Hobbit outfit! Wait… oh you’re Aragorn, didn’t he have a bigger sword?

10.) Shrek – That confused look on Shrek’s face? He just can’t believe someone could look like such an incredible huge jackass.

11.) Stewie Griffin – One of the funniest characters on television, Stewie brings laughter into the homes of millions. You’ll also cause laughter, but it’ll be because people will make fun of you.

12.) Eric Cartman – The biggest little potty mouth in South Park has his own Halloween costume. If you wear it, you’ll literally be the sand in the vagina of any party you go to.

13.) Lucky the Leprachaun – This costume comes complete with the Charms you’ll find in Lucky’s cereal. You’ll need each and everyone if you hope to be lucky enough not to get eggs thrown at you.

14.) Fred Flintstone – He’s been in cartoons and movies, he has his own cereal and vitamins, Fred Flintstone has it all, including a ridiculous Halloween outfit modeled after him.

15.) Master Chief – One can only guess at the amount of carnage Master Chief would inflict on the world were he to see this costume. You’ll probably have to settle for the wedgie your buddies will give you.

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Well, you’ve been warned. If you value your life as you know it, avoid these and the other ridiculous costumes on sale this Halloween, and go for something more traditional.

Also, be sure to share your crazy Halloween costume/party/experience stories in the comment section!

The 15 Sexiest Halloween Costumes Based On Pop Culture

This Halloween, women will spend one day doing what they refuse to do 364 days out of the year. Dressing up in a sexy outfit. And a lot will choose to depict one of their man’s boyhood fantasies; Ariel from the Little Mermaid and Cheetara from The Thundercats being a couple good examples. And the truth is, there’s a good possibility they’ll do it completely wrong. Like say you want to go after one of the Hottest Super Heroes ever, Wonder Woman.

Whether it’s the wrong color hair, not enough leg showing, or just plain old boring; there’s a right way and a wrong way. We’re here to show you how to do it right with this handy Pictorial Guide To Sexy Women’s Halloween Costumes.

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Princess Leia from Star Wars: Return of The Jedi

The original hotness, Princess Leia was the reason most boys reached manhood back in the day.

Princess Leia from Star Wars: A New Hope

It’s okay Luke, if Princess Leia was our sister and we didn’t know it, we’d have kissed her too.

Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz

There’s just something about the innocent demeanor of Dorothy that makes you think of the girl next door, you know, the one that is a total hottie.

Rainbow Brite

Probably the least like the original, in this case it’s a very good thing, the giant sized head Rainbow was sporting isn’t very sexy at all.

Daphne from Scooby Doo

Daphne was the only reason any of us bothered to watch Scooby Doo… talking dog, pfft; hot redhead, yes!

Princess Peach from Super Mario Bros.

The number one reason we spent hours bouncing Mario over pits, mushrooms, turtles, and lava.

Alice from Alice in Wonderland

The movie was all based on some kind of weird dream Alice had, we’re having some kind of dream too.

Hermoine from The Harry Potter Movies

This outfit is way sexier than the Hagrid costume.

She-Ra Princess of Power

Sure, you told everyone we watched She-Ra because of the cool villains, but it was all because of her.

Cinderalla from Cinderella

We never understood how no one could tell how cute she was while not dressed up.

Chun Li from Street Fighter 2

You probably never wanted to play with her on the game because she was a girl, but, didn’t mind watching her fight.

Snow White from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

It’s easy to see why 7 undersized men would be willing to slave over this girl.

Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Let’s just say that Roger was the luckiest sumbitch in the animated world.

Jem from Jem and the Holograms

Your sister probably watched this everytime it was on, and you stayed in the room and pretended to play with G.I. Joe’s.

Tinkerbell from Peter Pan

There’s just something about her attitude when she gets pissed off at Peter Pan that makes her such a turn on.

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That’s it for the sexy ladies. Tomorrow, check in to see some of the outfits that guys wear only to end up looking like total screw ups. Come back, it should be a lot of fun.

John McCain… A Robot Problem

If you haven’t heard, the latest from the Presidential Debate is that John McCain is employing “Robo Calls” to reach out to potential voters. Here’s a blip of the story from the AP.

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McCain draws bipartisan criticism for ‘robo calls’

LAS VEGAS – Two senators in opposing political parties asked Republican presidential candidate John McCain to stop the automated phone calls that link Democratic candidate Barack Obama to a 1960s radical.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Nevada Democrat, and Sen. Susan Collins, a Maine Republican, made separate appeals to McCain on Friday. Collins faces a tough race for re-election and serves as a co-chairwoman of his Maine campaign.

“These kind of tactics have no place in Maine politics,” Collins spokesman Kevin Kelley said. “Sen. Collins urges the McCain campaign to stop these call immediately.”

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I couldn’t agree more. We’ve obviously got a problem here, and that problem is that John McCain is being controlled by robots.

I know Senator, it’s very shocking. And you’ve been caught!

But, it got me to thinking… who is his cabinet? What robots would be qualified to lead this country, and guide McCain if he is elected?

The Department of Defense – Secretary ED 209

Credentials: Big guns.

The Department of Education – Secretary Johnny 5

Credentials: Reads books really fast.

The Department of State – Secretary C3PO

Credentials: Fluent in over 6 Million forms of communication.

The Department of Labor – Secretary Rosie

Credentials: Good at cleaning things…that’s labor right?

The Department of Energy – Robby the Robot

Credentials: We can only assume he knows about Energy, he’s a robot and requires it.

The Department of Commerce – Bender

Credentials: No clue… he’s witty?

The Transportation Department – Secretary Optimus Prime

Credentials: Transforms into a truck.

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On a side note, if you haven’t seen this picture, check it out. Hilarious!

Gotta love politics.

Insane Things People Do To Protest Other Things

Man, some people get really worked up about things. Sure, I can see where they’re coming from sometimes. But, the reactions they have and the actions they take often seem a little… out there.

Take this guy’s sign.