Preachers That Are Batshit Crazy Insane

Sharing the Good Word comes in many forms. Pastors are constantly challenged by how they will get through to the masses, to share what God has planned for them in Heaven.


“5… 5 Dollar… 5 Dollar Foot long.”

So how is a Minister supposed to reach out and bring the lost home? Apparently it’s by being completely out of their minds. As seen below with the…

Top 10 Preachers That Are Batshit Crazy Insane.


STOP! I lost a contact lense!

Some of these Preachers are from TV, some from College Campuses, and some from inside their churches. Apparently craziness knows no bounds.

*Please keep in mind that some of these videos are kinda long, please allow them time to load up.*

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#10 – “You Guys Gotta Call Me On Regular Phones, These Cellphones Are Horrible!”

#9 – LOL!

#8 – “Are You Using Profanity Son? Then You’re In Trouble With God.”

#7 – “God won’t accept…”

#6 – “Mother Nature Don’t Do That!”

#5 – “Gaaaaaaaawwwwwwdddddd!!!!!”

#4 – “SU-PER-S-T-D!”

#3 – “Get Wasted!”

#2 – “Satanists Melt Babies Into Candles!”

#1 – “I Come In The Name Of Jesus, Repeat It After Me Bitch!”

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Just so everyone knows, we at Gremlindog honestly have the utmost respect for anyone that has the guts to be a minister/preacher/pastor/priest. But geez… these guys are just a little too far gone. Ever had something like this happen to you on campus, at your church, or have you seen a program like this on TV? Tell us about it in the Comments Section!

“What Now?” A Post-Election Conversation Guide

First of all, congratulations to the new President of The United States of America.

Now, on to why we’re writing this today. You see, there’s a major problem about to sweep through the United States. It has nothing to do with the economy, gas prices, interest rates, war, or anything bad. But, nonetheless it is still a major problem and one that must be addressed.

The problem is this: What the hell are we supposed to talk about now that the election is over? The election has come and gone friends; it has ceased to be. And unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that every television, every newspaper, every magazine, every website, and every billboard has had something about the election on or in it for months on end. We’ve been bombarded so hard by election coverage, commentary, and advertising that we haven’t been able to function outside the realms of the election itself. And now it’s done, and we’re left out to dry.

So, as you gather in the break room at work for coffee, or sit down to dinner with your family, or as you meet your neighbor at the mailbox to grab the bills; what are you going to say to each other. What words are going to come out of your mouth? The last thing you need is to be put on the spot and have nothing more to contribute than an dumb looking face and a great big “uhhhhh.”

Sure, you might be thinking to yourself, “Hey no biggie. I’ll just talk about Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live or Joe Plumber. Or I could show off the funny pictures that people photoshopped of John McCain with his tongue out.” Well, that’s all fine and dandy, except for it’s old news and no one gives a shit about any of that anymore.

You’re going to have to step up friends, and find something else to converse about. To email people. To laugh at. And we are here to help. We know it’s going to be difficult to melt back into a society without an election to talk about. You may be scared, or tentative to even try. And that’s what we’re here for. To aid you in your struggle and get you back on your feet.

With the… Top 5 Post-Election Conversation Topics

Please take caution while using this guide, because not all topics may be relevant to the situation you might have found yourself in. If you’re having an intimate moment with your lover, it might not be prudent to bring up Topic #3 or if you and your boss are out to a lunch meeting with a client, please steer away from Topic #2.

In fact to help you out in your quest, we suggest printing out this guide and posting it in your cubicle, putting it in your pocket, and hanging it on the fridge. It’s good to be prepared.

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Topic #1 – Did You See The Big Game?

Oh, a classic, and one that has been all but forgotten for the past year or so, sports! There’s been a lot of great games, and now’s the perfect time to bring it up in conversation! We advise choosing a game that has some kind of importance at the time. Don’t go and bring up a little league match that you played in as a kid. Talk about the Monday Night Football Game or the opening match up between your hometown (or nearby) basketball team. Don’t try to bring up any stats, because odds are, you don’t know any. Be sure to throw in phrases like, “That guy was on fire,” or “Did you see the big play,” and stay clear of comments like “Kobe Bryant looks so good in yellow, I hope he never leaves the Lakers.”

Any sport will work, and we suggest finding a team to stick with for all of your converstations regarding the subject. A college team near where you live is perfect. For added effect, purchase an item of clothing featuring your team of choice. Wear it on “game day.”

Topic #2 – Did you see that movie?

Another classic that can be used in most conversations. The best part about the subject is that movies are universal. It doesn’t matter if you live in New York City or London, there are movie theaters and movies everywhere. And odds are, you might have seen one recently. Now is your opportunity to bring it up. Talk about the action or romance, or both if it’s a retarded Sandra Bullock movie. Talk about the incredible special effects, the awesome fight scene, and the funny way Wall-E said “Eve-a.” You’ll probably notice that your friends and co-workers have also seen movies, and before you know it, you’re in and out of a nice discussion without even the slightest mention of politics. However, movies aren’t the perfect topic. Even film has it’s downfalls where you can make a conversation mistake and ruin everyone’s day. If you remember anything else at all today, remember this. Porn is a type of movie.

But that does not make it acceptable to bring up in conversation with the following: parents, parents-in-law, religious figures, small children, or people you run into from high school.

Topic #3 – Hey, isn’t that chick totally hot?

Even gay guys can agree that a hot chick is hot. And being that it’s a subject that all men can have fun discussing, pointing out and talking about the attractiveness of a woman is a surefire conversation A+ for almost any situation. The first step in bringing a hot chick into a conversation is to ensure that the chick in reference is, in fact, hot. You might look like an asshole if you say to your buddies that you’ve got the hots for Jenna Jameson. Yeah, she was smoking hot, 10 years ago. But have you seen her lately? Good God that woman is broken! Be conservative of your opinions when breaching the subject of female hotness. Freshen up your “opinions” by reading a good magazine full of pictures of hot chicks.

See what others think before forming your own opinion. You’ve been out of the loop for several months now with the whole election business. The closest thing to a hottie you’ve seen is Sarah Palin, and though she is indeed better looking then either of the presidential candidates, she just doesn’t compare to some of the world’s finest looking women.

Topic #4 – Have you played the new XBox360/Playstation3/Wii Game?

If you don’t own a video game system you may want to just skip right on past this idea to the next topic. But, if you do own one, and it’s not covered in dust… then you are sitting on a gold mine of conversation options. The best and easiest choice is “have you played <insert game name>?” because this opens up three doors. The first door  is if the person says “yes I have” when questioned. You then can say; “me to”, or “I haven’t, how it was.” Secondly, they’ll say “no I haven’t” and to that you can say; “me neither“, or “I have and it rocked.” The 3rd door is the trickiest handle. Because when asking a question about playing… some people might confuse your question with one intended for a child. Say perhaps, your boss. Who is also your father-in-law. Asking him (unless he’s the coolest damn dude on the planet) whether or not he’s “Played the new game on the Wii” could easily turn foul. Because in his waxy old man ears, your innocent question might turn into “Have you played any games with your weiner?”

Father-in-laws hate talking about their weiners. And so do bosses. Also avoid this question when talking to the police unless you want to get carted off to jail.

Topic #5 – Have you seen the latest website that is taking the internet by storm?

A multidimensional weapon of conversation, the internet is your failsafe. If push comes to shove, and you find yourself simply unable to carry on a decent dialogue with anyone, start talking about something you saw on the internet. For goodness sake, don’t act like you aren’t constantly on the net screwing around anyway. You’re on it right now! And surely during all of those hours you’ve managed to pick up something that has a little weight to it. Something you can share with your buddy as you work out at the gym. Or with your fiance as you make dinner together. It could be some funny picture you spotted of the world’s largest wood pecker. Or maybe a funny video of a man in a kangaroo outfit bouncing around ruining everyone’s day. Or a cool article about Where the Cast of the Goonies are Now. However if you’re one of those that only accesses the internet to look at boobies and LOLcats then you’re shit out of luck.

Unless the boobies belonged to a really hot chick, and then you can revert back to Topic #3!

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It’s gonna be an uphill battle friends, but I promise you this. We can find things to talk about Post-Election. Together, we can make a difference. Send this list to friends, co-workers, and family members and be sure to post other great conversation starters in the Comments Section.

The Hilarious History of Our Favorite Gestures

A History Of Gestures
Sorry, it’s true, you’re dad wasn’t the first person to ever flip someone the bird. And your mom wasn’t the first to throw up a peace sign. The high five? Around long before you gave one to your buddy who scored with that ugly chick.
So what’s the history behind our favorite gestures?

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The Middle Finger
People Who Use It: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, George W. Bush, Anyone Who Drives

The finger, the bird, the universal symbol for saying “Fuck You” finds its roots in the most unlikely place. Ancient Greek Literature namely The Grecian Comedy “The Clouds” by Aristophanes. According to the book “Gestures and Their Origins” there are several occurrences in this play where one character extends his longest finger in the direction of a woman (or man, crazy Greeks); a motion that was meant to convey a desire to fornicate.

The phallic thrusting movement that “flipping the bird” is based on was most likely contrived from monkeys and apes. You see monkeys and apes, the classy fellas they are, enjoy thrusting their penises at potential mates. This is similar to the way men point their boners at women now.


But how did something as nice as a proposition for sex turn into something so negative? Well, remember that dick-waving chimpanzee? He also used his penis against competition, and by showing how large it was made his opponents feel inferior. One thing led to another, and eventually digitus impudicus (the indecent finger) had become mankind’s way of flopping his junk around without actually flopping his junk around.

The Peace Sign
People Who Use It: Winston Churchill, Richard Nixon, Hippies

The Peace sign had nothing to do with peace at all at its conception. Unless you consider peace fighting in a war. Legend has it that the French Military, who apparently didn’t used to suck, would cut off the fingers of opponent’s archers so they would be unable to draw a bow. Those who were still able to pull a bow string would flaunt their intact fingers, presumably right before they shot people with arrows right in the face.

However, it’s Winston Churchill who lays claim to the more recent use of the Peace Sign, way back when it was called the Victory Sign. You might say that the good guys were looking for a slogan to stand behind and repeat over and over like that old Ace of Base song “I Saw The Sign.” V for Victory was the “theme song” they came up with for the Allies during World War II.

The Peace Sign would later be used by another world leader, Richard Nixon as he exited office and boarded Air Force One. Perhaps as a joke that no one got, since he wasn’t exactly victorious at anything but doing shitty political things and being the only President to ever resign. But, the Hippies of the sixties and seventies are who we can thank for the Peace Sign we know and love today. It’s probably because they were totally wasted all of the time but they adopted the Victory Sign to use as a protest symbol during the Vietnam War. This would kinda be the equivalent of eating a Big Mac to boycott fatty foods.

Devil Horns
People Who Use It: The Beatles, Ronnie James Dio, Texas Longhorns Fans

The Horns gesture is often referred to as a sign of the devil, or the “horned god” of pagan religion. Possibly derived from the shape of a goat’s head, an animal often associated with Satan. The first use of the gesture was said to be in the middle ages as a way to ward off evil.

The gesture is also used to convey infidelity by holding it up behind another’s head. Sort of like the bunny ears assholes put over their friends heads in every picture they ever take. The gesture is especially popular in Italy where the Horns label them as a “cuckold” or unfaithful person. Perhaps to show that they are the devil because they cheated. We can only guess at what John Lennon intended by having the gesture featured on the cover of The Beatle’s “Yellow Submarine” album.

The gesture made its way into the world of rock with the help of Ronnie James Dio of Black Sabbath fame. Though he his quoted as saying he doesn’t feel he is the first to use the Horns, he must be pretty damned proud of the gesture. Because every single picture of him on the internet features him posing and throwing up devil horns.

You’ll also spot the Horns at sporting events for the University of Texas Longhorns and the University of South Florida Bulls though it’s still to be determined if it’s just a stadium full of people pointing out cheaters and Satanists or actual fans of the teams.

The Shaka
People Who Use It: Frank Fasi, Ronaldinho, Surfers

You might consider it the international sign for “hang loose” but the Shaka Sign is so much more. It also means, “all right” “cool” and “smooth.” The history behind the gesture is actually a rather sad story. According to the Polynesian Cultural Center the first man to use the Shaka Sign was Kalili Hamana a man who worked at a Sugar Mill. While there he lost his three middle fingers. His “all clear” hand signal, which obviously wasn’t used pre-accident, developed into what we now know as the Shaka. Ironically the Shaka Sign was developed by a guy that couldn’t do anything with his hands other than make the Shaka Sign… talk about irony.

Former Honolulu Mayor Frank Fasi picked up the hand gesture and used it in two campaigns and gave the Shaka some publicity. Senator Barack Obama, possibly following in Fasi’s example has even used the gesture in his own “I’m Younger and So Much Cooler Than McCain” campaign.

World famous soccer player Ronalinho has given the Shaka new life throwing it up when celebrating. Note we said “celebrating” and not making a goal. If it was just scoring he’d only get to do it like once a week because it takes forever to score in a soccer game. And we bet he likes to use the Shaka Sign a lot more than that. Other places you might find the Shaka are anywhere there’s a surfer, and anywhere there is a tourist with a camera and a palm tree within 50 feet.

Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down
People Who Use It: Roman Emperors, Siskel & Ebert, Hitchhikers

The Thumbs Up or Down gesture or pollice verso was given birth in the coliseums of Rome. At the end of a fight of gladiators, one would stand victorious… it was up to the people to decide whether or not the loser would live or die. Thumbs Up and the competitor would live; Thumbs Down and he lost his life. Unless the winner was Russell Crowe, and he’d eff the whole thing up for everyone.

Approval and disapproval is the name of the game in a thumb gesture, and the gesture was eventually picked up by Siskel & Ebert, two guys who made a living watching movies and telling people what they thought about it for about 40 years. A job that we bet would totally rock if you weren’t Siskel and had to spend all of your time with Ebert, the weirdest looking dude on the planet.

The Thumbs Up is also widely recognized as a symbol of needing a lift. Head down any highway and you’re bound to see hitchhikers. They will stand on the side of the road with their arm extended and thumb up until some nice person gives them a ride. And by “gives” we mean “exchanges for oral sex.”

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Well, there you go. What’s your favorite gesture to use? Tell us about it in the Comments Section!

Love Stories That Were Overshadowed By Terrible Things

No one enjoys a good love story as much as us. Actually, that’s probably not accurate at all. I’m sure there’s hundreds of thousands of people that enjoy a good love story just as much as us. Hell, there’s probably millions. And there’s probably that many more that most likely enjoy a good love story even more than us.

Um… Let’s begin again then, shall we?

People enjoy a good love story. It’s a fact. And most love stories involve the lovers having to surpass and overcome obstacles to “find” their true love. But, sometimes… it’s just a little to far fetched.

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The Movie:
Romeo and Juliet

The Premise:
Two families that hate each other end up having their children fall in love.

Why We Can’t Buy Into It:
The story revolves around two kids who fall for each other without realizing who the other’s family is. They run around town causing all kinds of trouble, throwing parties, fighting, doing drugs, and they fall in love. C’mon, seriously? Sure, kids are known to sneak out from time to time, and they surely disobey their parents’ wishes for them to not watch porn and masturbate in their socks. However, don’t you think two sets of parents who were feuding like the Hatfields and McCoys would be a little more in tune with what their teenage children were up to? Juliet was only thirteen years old for goodness sake!

Now, imagine that cute little thirteen year old girl, running around with the enemies’ son. No way, that’s just not gonna fly. Don’t you think her dad would do a little more than flip out? It’d be like our President’s daughter going out to a movie with Osama Bin Laden’s son. And as if we needed more fuel to add to this fire, let’s not forget that the children were married in the movie by a Friar! Just to let that sink in for a second, please remember that most thirteen year old kids would be 7th Graders. 7th Graders are in Middle School.

Now, as if all that isn’t enough to make you go, whoa now! How’s this for the real icing on the cake. Romeo and Juliet both die in the end. They don’t ride into the sunset, or sail away to a tropical island. They die. They cease to be. I don’t know about you, but we don’t get all lovey-dovey when people die. It’s just not our thing.

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The Movie:
You’ve Got Mail

The Premise:
Two people fall in love via the internet.

Why We Can’t Buy Into It:
Don’t let us fool you. We’ve fallen in love via the internet countless times. Even last night for some of us. But, we’re not referring to the Online Dating sites everyone is so into these days. We’re talking about the kind of stuff you download and watch in the dark with the sound turned down so your roommate can’t hear. You know, porn. That’s the realistic kind of relationships that develop online, they’re kinda one sided. Not in this film. In this movie we have two characters who are both in the ultra-competitive market of book selling and dislike each other strongly in the real world, who through the magic of the World Wide Web finally get to know each other and fall in love.

I realize that back when this movie was made (1998) that the internet was a new and marvelous thing. There were probably a whole lot less pop ups, and most likely less evil and awful people taking advantage of others. But, in today’s world, if you meet someone online you keep that at a nice safe distance. You don’t go and fall in love with them just because they type well. That’s how you end up with your leg chained to a lead pipe in some forgotten bathroom with a hacksaw as your only means of escape.

Television programs like “How To Catch A Predator” have kinda ruined the whole meet someone online and have a good time thing. Not to mention the only emails we get are for Penis Enlargement Pills. As if we needed ’em.

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The Movie:
Beauty and the Beast

The Premise:
A monster who’s really a man kidnaps a girl and she falls in love with him.

Why We Can’t Buy Into It:
We know the problem here isn’t that women only fall for a man because of his looks. That’s bullshit, only guys do that. A woman is able to look beyond the shaggy headed, unshaven, wrinkly clothed exterior of a man to find something worthwhile on the inside. That’s the job of a lady, to find the diamond in the rough, polish it until it shines, and then introduce him to her parents. However, if that lady is kidnapped and held in a prison, then you better watch out. It doesn’t matter how many pieces of talking furniture you have, she’s gonna rip your balls off and feed them to you as soon as she has the chance.

Obviously the Beauty wants to give the Beast the benefit of the doubt in this case seeing that she doesn’t take the first opportunity available to kick him in the nuts. But, what woman in the entire world would not be freaking the hell out if she was abducted by a huge monster.

I seriously doubt being in love is ever crossing her mind as she is surrounded by talking cups and barking couch cushions while the giant beast man moans and bitches like he has fleas.

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The Movie:
Gone With The Wind

The Premise:
Guy loves a Lady who loves another Guy who loves another Lady, and there’s also a war.

Why We Can’t Buy Into It:
Wow, where do you even begin with this movie? How about the beginning when our starlet is flirting with a couple of different boys while at the same time she has this thing for a third guy. That’s three dudes she’s already into if you’re keeping score at home. After having her feelings hurt by the last dude, she runs into a fourth dude. Please be aware that I’m not exaggerating when I say that this chick was a whore. By the end of the movie she had married three of these guys, that’s 75% of the dudes she had crushes on. We’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that each of her previous husbands died before moving onto the next, but still. How about a little grieving period.

Let’s not forget that the movie is centered around the results of the Civil War, and how it affected the Southern way of life. Not only did our heroine slut herself out to every guy in town, she also went to bed with the North. Figuratively speaking of course, this wasn’t like a “Debbie Does Dallas” movie.

The movie is considered one of the greatest films of all time and received numerous awards and it certainly deserved them all, it was an amazing piece of work when it was made. We just think it’s unfair to call it a love story, considering at the end our star ends up completely alone. And it’s doubtful she was into “alone love” if you know what we mean.

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The Movie:
Ghost

The Premise:
A couple is torn apart by a robbery/murder, but they’re reunited by love.

Why We Can’t Buy Into It:
Have you seen “The Poltergeist”? Have you seen “The Grudge”? Have you seen any horror movie with a ghost in it? They’re scary as hell. That’s what ghosts do you know, they scare people. They’re not nice. Fuck “Casper”, we’re not talking about him. We’re talking about moving your shit, slamming doors, making the room hot/cold, scary, asshole ghosts. Instead, we’ve got a guy that is chained to the world by his love for a woman who teams up with a psychic to thwart the plans of his killer. We then watch as together they pull out “CSI” like detective skills to solve the case and save the day.

So how is it that this guy doesn’t cause her to go right out and call “The Ghost Busters” to come in and clean house? Oh, it’s because she’s convinced that he’s totally real and legit by a con-artist who says she can talk to ghosts. A con-artist that has a laundry list of crimes on her record at the Police Department. Nothing like a person accused of fraud on numerous occasions giving you love tips from the afterlife.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter how many bad guys a ghost kills, or how many clay pots he helps you make, it’s still gonna give you the heebie jeebies.

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There’s probably going to have to be a follow up to this article, because to be honest, there’s just way too many movies that fit into this category. What movie has stuck out like a sore thumb in your mind? Talk about it in the comment section!

The 8 Greatest Pranks To Pull This Halloween

Trick or Treat! Halloween is literally right around the corner, and we know everyone is excited about the candy and costumes. But the treats aren’t the only thing that’s fun about Halloween. Tricks can bring just as much enjoyment to you and your friends as a whole bag full of goodies.

And we’re here to help you out, because “The Man” wants to keep Halloween pranksters down.

May we present: The 8 Greatest Pranks to Pull This Halloween.

(Please note: These pranks can be done anytime at all during the year, don’t limit yourself!)

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#1 Toilet Paper a House
Tools Required: Massive Amounts of Toilet Paper

Toilet Papering a House comes in at number one because of the sheer magnitude of the prank. You don’t go out and throw one roll of toilet paper at a house, oh no, you throw 100 rolls at a house. If it’s on sale you might throw 200, but let’s not push the matter. And this isn’t a prank that just affects the prankee, the whole neighborhood is suffering the wrath of this one. It doesn’t matter if you live four houses down, you can see that toilet paper, and you know that somebody is having a bad day. Plus, the damn stuff just doesn’t pull out of the trees or clean up with a rag. It could take four to five weeks for it to rain and properly break down all of the material. If you pull this prank, you mean business.

Below: The gang of “That 70’s Show” have a toilet papering party!

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#2 Wrap a Car in Saran Wrap
Tools Required: Massive Amounts of Saran Wrap

The perfect prank to play on someone you want to mess with, but not piss off to the point that they press charges. The saran wrapped car will have no damage done to it, but without a doubt will totally screw up the day of whoever you decided to punish. It’ll take a lot of saran wrap to properly cover the entire car too, so don’t step up to the plate unprepared. Upwards of fifteen rolls may be required to ensure that your car is “protected” from the elements and other pranksters. There you go, if you get caught, you have an out. You were just protecting the car from eggs and shaving cream.

Below: Guy finds his car wrapped the next morning. Be sure to check out the part at 1:04, it’s priceless!

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#3 Pinked House
Tools Required: Massive Amounts of Pink Yard Flamingos

If a fun prank where no one gets hurt is what you’re after, you’re a weenie. But, if you’re a weenie and still want to go out and raise hell, even a diluted hell… this is for you. It’s probably also the most expensive option on the list, because you will need to buy a crap load of the super fun Pink Yard Flamingos. Of course, if you’re not interested in buying these items, you could steal them from everyone else that owns one. The flamingos must be placed in the front yard, and spread out evenly throughout the yard to get the full effect of the prank. You want it to look natural, and take a long time for the home owner to pick them all up.

Below:A kid finds his front yard littered with Pink Flamingos and does a play by play. From this video it’s easy to see why his house got pranked.

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#4 Burning Bag of Poop
Tools Required: Paper Bag, Lighter, Dog Poop

The funniest prank in the world, and the only one that has the potential to cause massive damage to a home, so be careful! First of all you need to make sure that someone is actually home before you do this prank. Secondly, make sure they don’t have a wooden deck. If either of these two issues is a concern, please don’t even try the burning sack of poo prank. The last thing you want is to burn someone’s house down. If done properly and safely, and with fresh enough poo, this prank can make your night the funniest ever. Just imagine stepping in poo, and how bad that sucks. Now imagine that poo is on fire. See, it’s worse!

Below: Old Man Clemens hates shit! This is our absolute favorite scene from “Billy Madison.”

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#5 Egg a House
Tool Required: Massive Amounts of Eggs

The most heinous of all of the pranks on this list. If you’ve ever had this done to you, and we have, you know that’s it’s disgusting and can cause some pretty major damage if not removed quickly enough. Only throw eggs at someone you don’t like at all. Because odds are, if they ever find out about it, they’ll never speak to you again, and they’ll probably throw a bag of burning poo on your wooden porch when you’re not home. Raw eggs can damage paint on cars, houses, and doors… so pick your targets well. Try a brick home for the same effect minus the damage. Or, for a whole new spin, hard boil your eggs and then toss them on the roof.

Below: Action gets started around the :30 sec mark;then it’s egg throwin’ time.

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#6 Shaving Cream Attack
Tools Required: Massive Amounts of Shaving Cream

If you choose to take it up a notch and attack someone’s house or car with shaving cream, you are throwing down the gauntlet and asking for war. It will etch itself onto painted materials, take the gloss off of a car, and dry up and be virtually impossible to get off of materials without a heavy rinse. If you want someone to come at you like in the above picture, then swing for the fence and unload a couple of cans on their new car or garage door. If you want to make an impact but not an enemy, try writing/drawing creative things in their lawn with the shaving cream. We suggest something especially vulgar, like a penis. For added fun, try filling up a balloon with shaving cream and dropping it on people/things/animals.

Below: A couple of kids become the biggest assholes in town.

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#7 Steal and Smash Pumpkins
Tools Required: Your Hands, A Hard Surface

The old classic, and probably the safest and most harmless prank of them all. You’ll still upset the guy that spent a couple hours carving the perfect monster face on his pumpkin, or the kid that painted hers all afternoon. But, they’ll get over it. Pumpkins rot fairly quick anyway, and besides… Halloween will be over by the time they discover their Jack-O-Lantern has been put to rest in the middle of the street. Be creative though in how you break the pumpkins, tossing them off of high structures and onto your friends is not recommended, but there are certainly inventive ways to take care of business. Check out the annual Punkin Chunkin Contest for example. Farthest “Chunked” Pumpkin… 4434 feet.

Below: Awesomeness.

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#8 Ding Dong Ditch
Tools Required: A Ditch, A Lack of Fear (Balls)

First of all, don’t be like the kid in the picture above. Your victim would be able to spot you a mile away in a giant red cowboy hat in the daytime. We suggest giant black cowboy hats in the middle of the night. That is, providing that you have to have a giant cowboy hat on. Otherwise, dress like a ninja. The object is to pick a house out that has a door that’s easily accessible, has a ditch or a bunch of bushes nearby, and is owned by a slow person. For the best results, have someone video taping the event, because the odds are your doorbell ringer won’t have time to enjoy the show since he’s probably going to be shot at and running for his life.

Below: Some kids hit up a house with the Ding Dong Ditch, hang around until the 2:10 mark for a funny finish.

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There’s probably a thousand different pranks that you could pull off this Halloween that would be awesome. These are just a few tried and true examples. If you have some good stories about pranks you’ve done, please tell us about them in the Comment Section.

But remember, no matter what you do, try to be safe and not cause any permanent damage to anyone’s property. Repainting the side of a house or car is not cool. Halloween is supposed to be a fun time, and you don’t want to go to jail for something silly.

Happy Halloween!

The World’s Hottest Members Of Royalty

The World’s 8 Hottest Members of Royalty

Forget about “Blue Blood” we’re talking Blue Balls with these ladies. Check out the 8 hottest queens and princesses in the entire world below. Ranked in hotness by a crown symbol. 5 Crowns for Super Hot down to 1 Crown for the Semi Hot.

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Queen Rania – Jordan

Hotness Ranking:

She became Queen in 1999 and was named 3rd Most Beautiful Woman in the World in 2005. She’s the Youngest Queen in history to ascend the throne, and is an outspoken advocate for Women’s Rights.

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Princess Madeleine – Sweden

Hotness Ranking:

She is 3rd in line to the Swedish Thrown behind her sister and brother. She enjoys horse riding and heading up an organization that is the Swedish Equivalent to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

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Princess Charlotte Casiraghi – Monaco

Hotness Ranking:

4th in line to the throne in Monaco, though she is currently a private citizen. Named one of the World’s Most Eligible Women by Vanity Fair magazine, she is now pursuing a career in journalism at The London Independent.

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Princess Haya – Jordan

Hotness Ranking:

The 2nd wife to the current Ruler of Dubai, she is an excellent athlete.  She represented Jordan at the 2000 Olympics and has served as President of the International Equestrian Federation.

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Princess Letizia – Spain

Hotness Ranking:

Formerly a News Anchor who reported at Ground Zero during the 9-11 tragedy, she became Princess in 2003 by marrying the Spainish Heir to the throne.

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Princess Victoria – Sweden

Hotness Ranking:

The current Heiress Apparent to the Throne of Sweden, she is the eldest of three children. Until she takes the throne she is a huge advocate of fund raising and public need.

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Princess Sirivannavari – Thailand

Hotness Ranking:

She is the daughter to the Crown Prince of Thailand and would be next in line for the throne above her 4 half-siblings. A huge sports player, she represented her country in the 2005 Southeast Asian Games.

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Princess Mary – Denmark

Hotness Ranking:

A woman of the world, she was born in Australia, spent time going to school in Texas, and married the prince of Denmark in 2004. She devotes her efforts to humanitarian aid, science and research, and anti-obesity.